Johnny G.

 

A Reflection for John P. Gualtieri, Jr.                                Thomas E Wilson, Friend

March 1, 1935 - February 28, 2022                                   March 19, 2021

Johnny G.

One of the things about being retired is that there a lot less things that just have to be done; where we have the opportunity to stop being “human doings” and become “Human Beings.” Human Doing is about skipping across the surface of life to reach this or that goal, to get this or that thing or win this or that prize. To be a Human Being is to live deeply into the moment of being and to give thanks for the gift of each moment. There is a wonderland of moments where love is found and heaven is touched, or heaven touches us. We are all touched by the holy.

I knew John Gualtieri only after he had retired and moved down to the Outer Banks, a mere almost 19 years of his almost 87 years of his life walking on this earth. Our walk together began about 2 days after I moved into the house on the Outer Banks, boxes all over the place and John Gualtieri, a man 11 years my senior, who had moved down here from New Jersey about six months before me, shows up with a lawn mover to cut the grass. He came as a neighbor making a friend of a newcomer. I dawdled about accepting the gift, because as the Rector of the Church, you have to be careful about receiving gifts you cannot get even with.

I had been taught in Seminary, and before that as a Counselor and Social Worker, to keep a Professional distance from clients and parishioners; you are not there to take or exploit; but rather to feed not fleece. A Good Rector of a Church remembers that he or she is, first and foremost, a servant of God, and of the members of the Parish and of the community in which he or she is employed. I started the road down away from being a good Rector of All Saints when I accepted his gift. I am reminded of one of the worst Presidents of the United State a century ago , Warren G Harding. It was good, his father once told him, that he hadn't been born a girl, "because you'd be in the family way all the time. You can't say no."

John was one of those people with whom I could never get even. How can I get even with a man who invites Pat and I over to dinner and/or an evening of playing games like Mexican Train, or Oh Hell, hundreds of time in 19 years? How could you get even with a guy who helped me get my annual infant Baptism fix, inflating the numbers with his children and grandchildren dragooned into attendance year after year on Thanksgiving Day services. Or who insisted that I be assured a place at the movable Thanksgiving Feast table even when my place card was set on fire by a candle at the Feast Table. Or, and this is important, that every time I was a guest, he made sure that there was a chilled Martini glass in the freezer and a perfectly mixed pitcher of Martinis cooling in the refrigerator and Never, Never forgetting the stuffed olives.

I was especially thankful of John's gift of reading. John had been a lawyer so he knew how to read laws, contracts, policies, charts and graphs. He could read a room and knew how to help change the emotional temperature in a meeting. He could read people and tell me when I needed to get involved in situations.

For the19 years that we knew each other, John was easy to love, because I didn't need to worry about disappointing him. We had both lived long enough by finding how we didn't to carry around a bunch of stuff we didn't need, like approval and disapproval. Both of us worked with people for decades. The questions we would ask ourselves are; “Is this a person someone that I need to spend time with out of duty, or is this a person I want to be with, in times good or ill, for the sheer joy of being in the presence of something greater than ourselves?”

John could love, love to a depth that was heart breaking. He loved sports which made it unthinkable that he would die before the annual March Madness. The greatest gift he gave me was to love my wife and treat her with respect and honor. He never passed judgment on her. Clergy spouses can be an easy target and his spirit and prayers were always with us during her illnesses. He loved his family and we spent many hours talking about his loving concern for every member of every generation of the Gualtieri clan. Especially, how he loved Maureen, thanking God each day for her. He obsessed about her getting ill for fear that he might have to spend the remaining years alone. There is something about getting older where each moment is too precious to waste. As Shakespeare wrote in Sonnet 73:

This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

In these 19 years, I met a whole bunch of people that I grew to love, trust and share moments of grace and John was one of them. We worked together, prayed together and played together; opening our hearts and lives to each other and to the Holy Space in, between, and beyond us. Some of these people have died. And I prayed for many of them in their dying that they were, alive or dead, in God's love and mine.

One of those last moments being touched by the Holy was being in the Hospital Room with John. I was not there as his professional Priest, but as his friend and, by purely honorary status, as a family member. I leaned forward and put my hand on his blanket on his shoulders. Living into each moment opens up pathways of the millions of other moments we have been given. At that moment I re-lived the touch of my father's hands on my blanketed shoulder as he tucked my brothers and I into our beds. In that moment my father would turn down the lights to listen to our prayers which had the phrase, “If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” followed by all the blessings. In that moment with John, knowing I was losing a friend in my life, I almost said, “If you should die before you wake I pray the Lord your soul to take!” I didn't and I mumbled some more adult prayer as I commended him to God's grace and followed by blessings for all the ones who loved and would miss him.

The blending of those two moments, the present and past colliding, was a trip back to a time I didn't know a thing about death and loss. I had healthy grandparents; nobody I knew was ever going to die. Then, when I was in the 6^th grade my grandfather, who we knew as “Daddy Wilson”, a legend in our family, as John is in his, died, despite my prayers to keep him alive. We were assured that his soul was in Heaven and we should be thankful. At the funeral my father had some tears; which shocked me for he was the strongest man I knew.

Then another moment collided, and it was me standing at my father's bed in a Hospital room, as I touched his blanketed shoulder and said silent prayers. My father and I walked on the same earth for 19 years before he died, despite my prayers to keep him alive. His death was also the death of my belief in God for awhile. When my father was alive, I disappointed him in so many ways. We argued about so many things; but in the end it always came back to love. Everything is redeemed by love. Some relationships may end or change, or people will die - but the moments live on as long as we live open to moments of grace, touched by the holy.

Johnny G.

Thank you for loving me and my wife,

sharing your soul, leaving us those parts

not as a arithmetic subtraction of hearts,

but as a geometric multiplication of life.

Your soul, always remaining in God's hands,

was also very freely gifted and never taken

away from us by your death, nor forsaken

but bound by unbreakable spiritual bands.

Echoes of your laughter resounding in us

cause memories to be freed from the herd

of all the treasures gifted word by word

by you over these so many moments thus.

Bless you, our brother, for kindness shared,

for you were indeed a gift who truly cared.

Reflections In Lent

A Reflection and Poem for the 2^nd Sunday of Lent                  St. Andrew's Church, Nags Herd, N.C. March 12, 2022                                                                        Thomas E. Wilson, Guest

Genesis 15:1-12,17-18  Philippians 3:17-4:1  Luke 13:31-35  Psalm 27

Reflections In Lent

The first line of the Collect for this 2^nd Sunday of Lent is: “O God, whose glory it is always to have mercy:” Combined with the 1^st lesson from Genesis where God comes to Abram telling him “Be not afraid, I am your shield”.

I have two texts for my reflection for this 2^nd Sunday of Lent, both from young women in their 20's. The first is Etty Hillesum, a Dutch Jewish law student at the beginning of the 2^nd World War. She kept a diary to deal with her depression about the oppression of the Nazi occupiers. in which she tried to find meaning in her life. The dairy was published much later as “An Interrupted Life”. One entry was: “There is a really deep well inside me. And in it dwells God. Sometimes I am there too. But more often stones and grit block the well, and God is buried beneath.”

In her diary, she sometimes talks with God, the ever present well in her life.

“Alas, there doesn’t seem to be much You Yourself can do about our circumstances, about our lives. Neither do I hold You responsible. You cannot help us, but we must help You and defend Your dwelling place inside us to the last.”

She and her family were rounded up in July 1943 and interred in a Dutch Jewish deportation camp, where she had worked there for justice and mercy the previous year for the Jewish Council in helping the internees. She had refused to go into hiding. Her letters and unfinished diaries were smuggled out to a friend to be published if she never returned. She and her family were put on boxcars on a train sent by the Nazis to Auschwitz Concentration Camp on September 7, 1943. Her parents died on the way and she herself was murdered there on November 20, 1943. She never reached 30, but her life was filled with working for justice and mercy. Like Abram in today's lesson from Genesis, she believed what she heard that God would be with her, God was her shield from despair.

Etty's murderers, the Nazis and their sympathizers, also agreed that there was a well, a hole if you will, in each of us; a hole that needs to be filled with enabling narcissistic power and revenge which became their inadequate shield from despair. Many of them were members of Christian churches but they never quite got around to working for justice and mercy. They believed that God was in Heaven and in the churches but not in the well of their hearts.

My 2^nd text is from the 20^th Century spokesperson and cultural prophet, Madonna, in 1984: “ 'Cause we are living in a material world/ And I am a material girl/ You know that we are living in a material world/ And I am a material girl.” The theme of the song is that Each of Us has to be in control of our lives. There is a hole, a well if you will, inside each of us and it needs to be filled with control and stuff. Your stuff and fame can be your shield. Madonna is still recording and this year she will turn 64, and end up like me, on Social Security.

When the song came out in 1984, Madonna was very popular and my 14 year old daughter was singing and dancing to it at our house. It was my first year out of seminary and I was working as an Episcopal Chaplain at Virginia Tech. I was very aware that I was living in a Material World. The students were concerned about what kind of jobs they could get when they graduated. Most of the faculty there were working with the materials of this world and concerned how to get grants and tenure for their careers. The University was booming as it struggled to get a National Research University Center reputation instead of being just a regional technical school. The Football and Basketball teams, the Hokies, were trying to get National Reputations. I was trying to be impressive as a preacher and pastor in my new second career. I thought, as a newly minted Deacon, I was supposed to be on my way up the clerical ladder. I met the person, who many years later would become my wife, and she thought I was full of myself and a real jerk. She was right. There was a God well inside me and I was filling it so full of myself, that my ego and not God, was my shield. My Copernican Moment, when I was to realize that I was not the Center of the Universe, would come later.

In the Gospel story from today's lectionary, Jesus is living in a very material world. The Pharisees warned him that in this material world, the Kings and Emperors had control and Jesus better wake up to the danger. It wasn't just a material world but also an Imperial world.

Let me give you a warning, there will be a lot of politics and Herods for the next few minutes.

The Pharisees were warning Jesus about Herod Antipas, the Tetrarch of Galilee, who was a client flunky ingratiating himself to the Roman occupiers. Herod Antipas' father was Herod the Great, who had been installed as King of Judea, by the Roman Senate as a client King. Herod the Great, the King Herod of the Infancy narratives of Matthew, was terrified of being replaced, so, as the story goes, the news brought from the Wise Men of a new King was frightening. Herod's fear of replacement, before the Magi ever thought of looking at a star, caused Herod the Great to execute two of his sons and one of his wives. Herod believed that his ruthlessness was his shield.

When Herod the Great dies, the Romans divide up Herod's Kingdom into four parts for three of Herod's sons and one of his daughter's. One of the sons, Herod Archelaus was installed by the Romans as Ethnarch of Judea. The term “Ethnarch” means ruler of an ethnic group; it is a step down from being a King. He ruled so badly that the Romans got rid of him. His brother, Herod Antipas, had a greatly reduced role as Tetrarch of Galilee, one quarter of his father's old Kingdom. Antipas, feeling the threat of a downhill spiral, had to act as if he were in control. It was one of the reasons he had John the Baptizer killed. Anyone with a brain living in Galilee, understood that since Antipas was trying so hard to hold on to his position and please his masters, the Romans, that Jesus, the rabble rouser, was expendable. The is the thing about narcissistic people,wannabe tyrants, they want to humiliate people because of their fear of being humiliated.

Herod Antipas makes another appearance in the Gospels at the time of Jesus' trial. Herod is in Jerusalem for Passover and having followed Jesus' career after his escape from Antipas' plans, especially curious about the Miracles, is eager to meet the “Wonder Worker” looking for any advantage. Antipas, however, is not impressed. Narcissistic Tyrants have little imagination for anything other than their own advantage. Antipas sends Jesus back to Pilate in chains. Antipas will later run afoul of the Roman Emperor Caligula, and will be deposed and die in exile.

Herod Antipas' nephew and brother in law was King Herod Agrippa I. Agrippa is a son of the one of the sons killed by his grandfather, Herod the Great. Agrippa was only 3 years old at the time and send to Rome to be raised in Roman households. With the deposition of Antipas, Agrippa was brought in to be the Roman stooge as King. He is the King Herod in the Acts of the Apostles who starts a persecution of the early Christian Church as a way of finding a scapegoat, “an enemy of the people”, to rally the populace behind him and to make his Roman masters happy. He will have Peter jailed who later escapes. Later on in Acts there, is the grisly story of Agrippa I 's death. In that story Agrippa was speaking about how great he was and, as the writer puts it; “immediately an angel of the Lord struck him down, because he did not give God the glory, and he was eaten by worms and breathed his last!"

Herod Agrippa I's son was 17 when his father died and stayed under Claudius' protection in Rome until he was sent to Jerusalem as King Herod Agrippa II to cement Roman Rule. Later on in the Acts of the Apostles, King Herod Agrippa II presides over Paul's trial after Paul claims he cannot be imprisoned because he, Paul, was a Roman Citizen. Agrippa II is the one who is reputed to say that Paul-”almost persuaded” him to believe the Jesus story. However Agrippa II, knowing Paul is innocent, sends Paul to further trial in Rome, doing nothing to stop Paul's troubles. Narcissistic wannabe Tyrants' inner fears keep them from compassion and action against injustice. Agrippa II will be overthrown by the Jewish people in a revolt. Agrippa II will join the Roman military forces under Titus to slaughter the rebels. He will then retire to Rome wiping the blood off his hands and live his years in Peace under the Rule of the Emperors, dying during the reign of Trajan.

All the Herods do not have friends, or family they can trust or invest in - because they only want enablers, people who can help them keep their fear at bay. The Herods all contributed to building the 2^nd Temple and other good public works projects but left the God religious stuff to the Hired Priests at official ceremonies.The Priests and the Herods, all trying desperately to fill up the God well with their own importance inside each of them. By their actions they destroyed the people who they were meant to serve.

That is the way with narcissistic Kings and Queens, Emperors and Empresses, Everyday Rulers, Petty Tyrants and Wannabe Dictators; they spend all their energy trying to hold on to what they have grasped because they are terrified of losing any part of it. They delude themselves in thinking that if they just get more, control people places and things more, then they will be safe and will be able to enjoy life. Except, just as they are beginning to taste peaceful enjoyment, the fear starts to creep in about threats of loss.

“How much is enough?” As in all things material; the more we have- the more we get. The more we get, the more we own. The more we own, the more we fear to lose. There will never be enough and even what we have is unsatisfying to fill up the God well in each of us. As Henri Nowen wrote on a meditation on Hoarding, “The tragedy is what you cling to ends up rotting in your hands.”

Jesus, whose body is fully material, has a God Well constantly being filled. He sees the material world in a different way; the less we hold on to - the more we have the freedom to give. He says, “Blessed are the poor, the meek etc.” He sees the world, and himself, as being filled with the Divine presence of God's spirit. The world and its people are not to be ruled but loved and healed to be free.

The way that God looks at the world is to give guidance and freedom. The way narcissistic Kings, Queens, Emperors, Empresses, Petty Tyrants and Wannabe Dictators ruling over their little empires, sometimes as small as a single family dwelling, authorities in their own presumption, look at their world as ruled by commands, threats and punishments. In that mindset, the only way for others to escape punishment is to leave the Kingdom, Empire and/or house. This is the advice of the Pharisees, for Jesus to hide and keep a low profile; something they themselves had been doing for years, because their God Well was filled with fear of losing their own standing.. Tyrants not only need enablers but they need silence from others who hide the truth. Healing can only began when, like the old fairy tale where the child, telling the truth, points out the Emperor has no clothes.

Jesus tells the Pharisees that the journey for healing and casting out demons will begin by going to Jerusalem. He has work to do; the work of love of giving himself away for the needs of others. Jesus wants to show people, by his words and actions, that there is a life beyond fear. There is a life where our God Wells are constantly monitored to take the trash out to be filled by a power greater than ourselves. That is why we have Lent. It is not a time for felling guilty and bad about ourselves, it is a time to clear and prime the pump of the God Well in each of us, so we and our community can drink deeply from the Underground Spring of God's love; which we are asked to keep flooding out from our hearts to work for justice and mercy and to give ourselves away. As God, whose glory is always to have mercy, says to Abram and us, “Don't be afraid! I am your shield.”

Reflections in Lent

Looking in the mirror, there is this tyrant wannabe

checking us out; asking “Sport, how you doing?

You know that a time might come of you rueing

the passing up the chance for a new reality?

All you have to do is to grab and hold on.

Don't let anything go slipping through fingers,

cause you know - the smell of failure lingers,

where your once admirers look at you and yawn.”

“Play it safe! Play it safe! Fate's out to get you;

just look at what happened to the one before,

who didn't clutch on tight enough to the store

of all the things number one holds dear and true.”

But mirrors having no depth; so there is no well

empty enough for mercy's water to flow and dwell.