Poem and Reflection for the 4th Sunday of Easter All Saints Episcopal, Southern Shores, NC Thomas E. Wilson, Guest Celebrant April 30, 2023
Which Shepherd? Which Pathway?
When I was in Elementary school, in the 2nd and 3rd grade, my Father was a Civil Engineer working on what would become Interstate I-90, especially working on the conversion of the Ohio Turnpike and the Indiana Tollroad. For those 2 years, seven decades ago, we lived in a small town in northwestern Ohio in which there was no Episcopal Church. For those years, my older brother and I were dropped off at the Methodist Church. In the summers of 1953 and 54, when I was 6 and 7 years old, we attended the Vacation Bible School there as well.
One of those summer sessions, we had a assignment of memorizing the 23rd Psalm. The reward was a glow in the dark plastic statue of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. Not really understanding the 23rd Psalm, I memorized the words. The message I got when I looked in the dark at the pale green figure was that no matter how dark it got, the light of Jesus was still there. Which if I had held on to that truth; the light of Jesus is available for hope and comfort no matter how dark it seems.
I did not take the shine in the dark plastic Jesus with me when I went to off college, for it seemed too childish. I did not pack it up when I got married, four years later because I thought that I was a grown up person and could handle any kind of dark valley of shadow. I was wrong. I decided to be in charge of my gate and to go to other pastures to become my own shepherd, leaving behind the light and wandering in shadow.
That is not to say that there were no shepherds I thought I could trust; these shepherds seemed to want to take me hostage to their agenda, and for me to develop a kind of “Stockholm Syndrome” in response; doing what ever would make my captor happy.
That is what happens when we stop listening for the “Good Shepherd” because “Other” Spirits posing as Shepherds come out of the woodwork. These are the Shepherds that God warns about in the Book of Job: "Who ... darkens counsel by words without knowledge?" (Job 42:3), that whispers:
“You need to spend more time and energy making money because you need to have more stuff and be richer than your neighbor. The person who has the most toys at the end of life wins!”
Or: “You need to Stand Your Ground no matter what it takes; even if it is the life of another person!”
Or: “You need to win every argument, otherwise you will be seen as soft and weak!”
Or: “ What is wrong with saying “My way or the Highway”? Other people aren't that important.”
Or: “The Hell with your neighbor. They don't deserve deserve attention. What is yours is yours!”
Or: “Those kind of people don't deserve to live!”
Or: “It is only a crime if you get caught.”
Or: “Go ahead! Who are they going to believe; you or her? Besides, she might even like it!”
Or: “That economic plan in the first lesson for today is just plain bat stuff crazy! To take your hard earned money and give it to people who don't deserve it!”
There were competing shepherd spirits who whispered in my ear. One of those Spirits said “You need to be in control of people, places and things.” Sometimes, I would have a moment of conscience and say, “But the glow in the dark plastic Jesus Good Shepherd tells me to treat others with love and courtesy.” Then the Phony shepherd of my own ego, echoing the Bandits in the movie “Treasure of the Sierra Madre”, when the bandits posing at police were asked to show their badges respond: “Badges! We don't need no stinking badges! “Shepherds? You don't need no 'Good' stinking shepherd!”
That phony Shepherd came to stay with me when I was an actor. I was a good actor I learned how to act in a play so that I could make people laugh or cry. I was good, but on nights when the laughs or tears failed to come on cue; I would stay awake wondering what I did that was wrong, or, more usually, what was wrong with that stupid audience?
Any play that you are in, you have to learn that it is not all about you; even if you are under the delusion that it is. There is a Trinity that interferes with this delusion. There is the Creator; the writer of the script's vision. There is the Director, the one who enters into dialogue with the cast on the best way to approach the role you play. Then, there is the Spirit of the community, the sacred space between you and all the others in the production, the other actors, the stage crew, the house staff, the audience; all who have entered into the enterprise and all who live in the physical community. Any actor who ignores any one of those aspects, enters into the production as a one person universe where there is only his or her fragile ego, propped up by fear of failure. The greater the ego, the greater the fear. It is one of the reasons that people have stage fright, because they think that it is all about them. When we surround ourselves with fear; joy is a stranger
In the play on stage. or the play in life; when I tried to control, I found that there were no still waters. I found that I could not fully control my neighbors, or my friends, or my family. All I could do was to accept that there was a welcoming table already prepared with them, if I chose to try not to control everything.
There was another Phony Shepherd spirit in the wings that I encountered especially when I became a teacher and a therapist. I wanted to listen to that other shepherd that I must be IMPRESSIVE; I needed to be the smartest person in any room. I filled myself with facts and theories. My lectures were breathtaking and my tests were hard. Students got writer's cramp taking down my pearls of wisdom. My insights were right on theoretical target. However, I tended to forget that gaining wisdom is a shared experience in growing deeper in thought and understanding. I needed to learn that education is not a regurgitation of fact. I had to learn that healing comes from within the context of a trusting, caring relationship, not by being pummeled with dazzling insights. I learned how to slow down and create opportunities for dialog. It wasn't all about me, but it was about their growth that was important. Yet, I found that in our shared voyage deep into his or her soul; that I'd often caught a glimpse into a neglected part of my own self as a gift of grace. Healing begets healing. Thankfulness begets thankfulness. Hope begets hope.
Like any shepherd, you give your ego a vacation so your sheep can feed on green pastures, beside still waters, preparing a table in the presence of their enemies for the feeding of their souls. The Good Shepherd is not there to impress the sheep but to help them. The Dalai Lama advises:“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”
Jesus learned what it was to be a good shepherd. He learned that it was exhausting. Scripture tells us that there were many times when he would have to go off by himself. He learned how to stop and let God restore his soul. One of the reasons that I went back to church and to pray and study daily was to have my soul restored to be a good shepherd.
I wish I could say that I was always a good Shepherd. But, on this Sunday, I am honored to be back at this pulpit I was called to 20 years ago and then left five years ago; and more than a few of you can remember times when my ego got in the way of being a good shepherd. I can remember many times in my 70 years of life after the light from the “shine in the dark plastic Jesus” I earned, never always quite made it to my soul. Yet, you were kind to me, by speaking truth and forgiving easily. Thank you for that forgiving of me and those who came before and after me.
Because of that freely given grace, I know that God's love is still there, rooted in and flowing, like a deep river of faith. As Howard Thurman, a 20th Century pastor of Peace and Reconciliation, noted, “It (a life in the deep river of faith) may twist and turn, fall back on itself and start again, stumble over an infinite series of hindering rocks, but at last the river must answer the call to the sea.”
Which Shepherd? Which Pathway?
Oft on evenings, I go on our deck
to look at the sea going into night,
with the end of all my rivers in sight,
emptying, cashing my life's check.
Our Good Shepherd has been here,
setting tables for this faithless sheep,
with us when we lay down to sleep,
inviting us to follow on a path dear.
Other shepherds' siren songs sung,
to pamper our egos to do a dance
for us to follow, if given a chance
to speak with oh so-pleasant tongue.
Bless you following Shepherd Grace,
so all of us to see God in face to face.
