A Reflection for the Feast of Christ the King All Saints’ Church, Southern
Shores, N.C. November 23, 2014 Thomas
E. Wilson, Rector
When
Shadows Like Fog Creep In
I am going out on a limb and suggest that I am probably
not the only one here who has ever felt sorry for himself. It is a natural
thing that we do when we feel so bad that we silently start to sing the
children’s song, “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m going to the garden
and eat some worms.”
That sadness will last for a while and then it will
change into thoughts of revenge to make me feel better. That revenge doesn’t
have to be taken immediately, indeed as the old saying goes, “Revenge is a dish
best served cold.” I went to my 50th high school reunion a couple of
months ago, and I wanted to run into an old girl friend who had dumped me right
after the Junior Prom. There was still a small memory - and by “small” I mean
that the memory was small and I was
small for even holding on to it - but my small fantasy was to show her what she
had missed out on, and “Boy”, I thought, “Will she be sorry!” Well, she was
there and she was sweet, and the river had flowed past 51 Junior Proms and I
didn’t have to eat worms or have revenge.
Everybody has thoughts of revenge when feeling bad
about one’s self. The 3rd Century Desert Monk, St. Antony, once said
to one of his disciples, “You can’t keep the birds from flying over your head,
but you can keep them from nesting in your beard.”
I looked at the Hebrew Testament lesson from Ezekiel
and at the Gospel lesson from Matthew, and as I, in my imagination, talked with
Ezekiel and Matthew, I thought I heard some revenge fantasy and worm-eating
going on.
Ezekiel was a Priest in Jerusalem in 593 BC and saw
the abuses of the rich elites who continued to exploit the poor even while
paying tribute to Babylon. Some of the rich decided to try to ally themselves
with Egypt and get a better deal with the Pharaoh to exploit the poor more.
This ticked the Babylonian ruler, Nebuchadnezzar, off and in 587, the
Babylonians conquered the Kingdom of Judah and destroyed the Temple in
Jerusalem, taking the leaders of the people, which included Ezekiel, into exile
to Babylon. He ministered to his people
there and had a series of visions and dreams which are contained in this book.
Chapters 1 through 24 are visions and dreams he had while still in Jerusalem
and, in these dreams and visions, there are a lot of things that come close to
“worm-eating”. Chapters 33 through 48 are visions and dreams which he had about
the restoration of the exiles to their home and union with God. The vision described
for today has to do with his hope for the people being returned out of exile
and his hopes for the vengeful judgment on the former elite rulers who got them
into this position of exile. He gets over the revenge fantasy and, a couple
chapters later, has a vision about how will take the valley of dry bones and
bring a new life with God - and in this new life, there is no room for revenge.
In Matthew’s Gospel from Chapter 21 through 25,
Jesus is in the last week of his teaching ministry in Jerusalem, and it is
apparent that his ministry has been gathering enemies. I think Jesus might have
been tempted to say, “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I will go to
the Garden of Gethsemane and eat some worms.”
Our theology tells us that besides being fully God, Jesus is also fully
human, and as a human has some natural thoughts about vengeful judgments flying
into his head and coming into his teaching. Today is one of those “good sheep
and bad goats” kind of moments. Beginning in chapter 26, he will experience the
last supper, his betrayal, and crucifixion where, on the cross, he cries out, “My
God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” and enters fully into human despair. He
dies on the cross and is placed into the tomb where his enemies think that he
will be eaten by worms. However, in Chapter 28, there is resurrection and he
does not waste time proclaiming vengeful judgment, for there is no room for
vengeance in new life.
Vengeance and self-pity are parts of living in this
broken world of humans; we all have these moments in the dark side of our very
selves. Now, what do we do with the dark sides of ourselves? One thing we can
do is lie to ourselves and make the darkness acceptable and call it something
that it is not. Our “worm-eating” is mislabeled as “shyness” or “humbleness”,
and our “vengefulness” is mislabeled as “a passion for justice” or “dedicated
to law and order”. Another option is that we can pretend these dark shadows
aren’t here inside us, and we achieve that by projecting these dark sides onto
other people. We can sure spot the darkness in others, and we say things like,
“I just hate judgmental people and God will make them pay for being
judgmental.” Or, “I just can’t stand being around whinny people; they just ruin
my day.”
Truthfully claiming our shadows for that which they
are and that they are ours is a spiritual journey of healing, for if we do not
claim and lovingly come to terms with our shadows, our fear of them will
gradually control our lives. We will live as one-dimensional people, and the
shadows will jump up in worse form when we least expect them. One of the
reasons I do dream work is that dreams help us come to terms with our shadows
and understand how they are influencing us.
Richard Rohr, a
Franciscan Monk, in one of his daily Meditations last week wrote about how
Francis of Assisi was able to claim his own shadow in order reach out to
others: “After his major conversion, which is where he embraced a leper
whom he had previously avoided as nauseating, Francis identified with the poor,
the marginalized and those on the bottom, which you normally cannot do until
you embrace the wounded leper within yourself.”
Next Sunday we begin the season of Advent. As we prepare for the coming of God’s love in
human flesh, let us take into ourselves and claim all, every part, of our very
selves for healing, so we can live into what we believe.
This is what I believe:
·
I believe in the words of the last verse
of the Psalm for today: “For the LORD is good; God’s mercy is everlasting; and
God’s faithfulness endures from age to age.”
·
I believe in a God of justice who calls
us to care for the oppressed and disadvantaged and gives us the power to do so.
·
I believe in a God of love, an unlimited
God who keeps calling us to return to relationship with God and neighbor.
·
I believe that people do horrible things
to other people and that God calls us to repent for what we have done.
·
I believe in the symbol of “sheep and
goats”, that they both exist within me, and that God’s love is not limited to
the sheep.
·
I believe that God’s love is not limited
by our response and God will continue to call us to union with God in this life
and the next.
·
I believe that we can create hells out
of our own lives and live only one-dimensional lives.
·
I believe that Christ’s love will
overcome all obstacles and that sin cannot stand against that love.
·
I believe in Hell; but, in light of Christ’s
love, I believe there is nobody there.
When
Shadows Like Fog Creep In (poem)
Shadows
bird-like sweep in
Stubbornly building
nests
For hells of our own
makings
Judging ourselves and
others.
Stubbornly guilt-ing
nests
Resisting moments of
mercy
Judging ourselves and
others
Saying “It serves them
(us?) right”.
Resisting moments of
mercy,
But what is good about
being right,
Saying “It serves them
(us?) right”,
If all we do is condemn
each other?
But what is good about
being right
For hells of our own nesting
If all we do is condemn
each other,
When
shadows bird-like sweep in?
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