On the Occasion of Blessing the Quimby Opus 74 - Poem

On Sunday evening October 1, 2017, 6:00 PM, I will officiate at All Saints Church at a celebration of a Sung Evensong, a Blessing and Dedication of our old Moller Pipe Organ, rebuilt, renovated and enhanced by the Quimby Pipe Organ Builders in Warrensburg, MO. It was a major project headed up by the talented and dedicated Steve Blackstock, our Music Director, Organist and Choir Director. I have missed the Organ while it was gone for renovation because I would often use the prelude as a means of centering myself in prayer before the services; especially when Bach was used with his structure and order.

As it was being installed, I was immediately struck with the section of the 97 bourdon pipes, the lowest pitched stop. The word “Bourdon” comes from the French word for bumble bees, that droning sound it makes and it is also used in the drone pipe in bagpipes. The Organ is a huge stationary wind instrument cousin to the small mobile bagpipe and my Scots heritage made that connection. It is an ancient Scottish custom for a Bagpiper to accompany the procession to a gravesite and as I thought of that I thought of my hope that this Quimby Opus 74 bourdon drones would play at my memorial service when I die, hopefully, years from now in the future. This poem is my thankfulness for this organ.

On the Occasion of Blessing the Quimby Opus 74

Hearing the 97 pipes of the 16 foot bourdon drone,

memory’s transported to where I have never been,

on hills in Scotland, my trusty piper plays me home

in soil resting after all my battles won, lost or seen.

The mists melt as Johann Sebastian, he commands

an instrument to enter into moments of holy awe,

bypassing plodding thought using dancing hands,

entering the spirits eyes never knew or even saw,

until I close them in order to pray before service,

shutting out all harsh cacophony of random noise

of busy life so I might hear, not tentative nervous

searches for nice words to say, but to be in poise

swimming in divine wind washing over/ through

so I can welcome angels and bid demons adieu.

My Father's Requests

Poem for October 1, 2017      XVII Pentecost      All Saints, Southern Shores, N.C.               Thomas Wilson, Rector

This Sunday is the day that we do the annual Stewardship Drive Kick-off and Communion around Breakfast tables to better allow discussion time about what “Sharing Life and Love” looks like in our lives together as All Saints Church. There is no place for a full sermon so I wrote a poem that relates to the story from the 21^st Chapter of Matthew where Jesus shares a Parable:

When Jesus entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him as he was teaching, and said, “By what authority are you doing these things, and who gave you this authority?” Jesus said to them, “I will also ask you one question; if you tell me the answer, then I will also tell you by what authority I do these things. Did the baptism of John come from heaven, or was it of human origin?” And they argued with one another, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will say to us, ‘Why then did you not believe him?’ But if we say, ‘Of human origin,’ we are afraid of the crowd; for all regard John as a prophet.” So they answered Jesus, “We do not know.” And he said to them, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things.

“What do you think? A man had two sons; he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ He answered, ‘I will not’; but later he changed his mind and went. The father went to the second and said the same; and he answered, ‘I go, sir’; but he did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are going into the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him; and even after you saw it, you did not change your minds and believe him.

 I was reminded of the times when my father wanted his children to learn that we were part of a much larger community, and as a way of being part of it, we would help out around the house, help out at the church, and help out in the community. He felt sharing ourselves in love was part of what makes us who we were created to be. I remember working with my father and brother digging drainage ditches for the new Little League Baseball fields we were building and hating the work, sweat, pain and lost opportunities to do my own things: sulking in resentment, looking for any excuse to get out of it. Yet there was something special when we were finished with the shared time together. It was only later that I realized that these were gift times.

My Father’s Requests

My father asked me to help around the house.

I said “Yes” words, but never got around to it.

Again he invited me to help around the house.

I said, “No”, but my duty impelled me to do it.

How often did I confuse these, his invitations,

with ultimatums on my own precious freedom

to which a disapproval with strained relations

followed, withdrawn love; an exile from Eden.

While he might be saddened, my father never

stopped loving me. After he died, I mourned

those shared work opportunities gone forever

because warnings of what little time I ignored.

Since we do not live life backwards; I will guess

that now, and only now’s, my time to do “Yes”.

Blessing of Pets

A Reflection on the Feast of St. Francis (transferred) All Saints Church, Southern Shores, NC September 24, 2017 Thomas E. Wilson Rector

Question for meditation: How did you care for God’s creation this week?

Exodus 16:2-15 Matthew 11:25–30 Matthew 20:1-16

Blessing of Pets

Today we are going a little out of sequence - 11 whole days - and we remember St. Francis of Assisi, whose feast day is October 4. The Stewardship Committees over the years thought that our annual celebration of St. Francis when we bless our pets might be a tad rough to do on the same day as the breakfast kickoff of our annual Stewardship pledge drive. I think I understand how difficult it is to juggle that many balls in the air at the same time. But when I looked at the lessons for today, I could only see a Stewardship theme. Heck, every week has a Stewardship theme; but I’ll get to that.

The Gospel passage from Matthew for the Feast of St. Francis Day is the time when Jesus invites the disciples to make the decision to follow him: “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

They are asked to accept the yoke of being connected to Jesus and to help carry the burden of love. They are asked to give themselves away, to no longer belong just to themselves but to Christ. To make a decision to love is to give oneself away. Francis had lived his youth as a pampered selfish child, and when he grew up, there was an emptiness in him when he realized that all he loved was himself. When he made the decision to follow Christ, he made the commitment to love what Jesus loved. He became a steward —I told you we would get back to it – of the poor, of the stranger, of the animals, of the environment, of all creation. Jesus had given his life to be a steward of his father’s creatures, and Francis dedicated himself to do the work of Christ in this world. When he made a decision to love, his life did not belong to himself alone; he was not his own person to do what he wanted and not care about any other person. To love means to belong to someone or something else.

I did keep two of the lessons which we would have heard this Sunday as a way of keeping on with the Hebrew Testament saga of Moses and the people in the wilderness. They were worried that they wouldn’t have enough, but God out of love, gave them all they needed; they were given daily bread. This passage was important to Francis for he went out into the world each day depending on God’s love to change hearts, to be the providing of food to meet Francis and his disciples needs, their daily bread.

One of the ways I learned that lesson when I was a child was when my father, who was working as a civil engineer building the Indiana Turnpike at the time we were living in Ohio, brought home a medium- sized black mutt who had been abandoned. My mother, having her hands full with four children (my older brother was 7, I was six, my sister 4, and my little brother one), was not thrilled at the prospect. However, the three who could speak begged her to relent. She listed all the things we would need to do if we wanted Rex the Wonder dog, as we named him, to abide with us. We made the promises and we all lost part of ourselves on that day as we took on the yoke and helped carry the burden. We became stewards of Rex that day, for he did not belong to us – rather we belonged to him. Rex died of old age when I was a senior in high school and he had been well loved - we can only be a steward of something we love. When we became stewards, we found it was a lot of work and heartache, it wasn’t easy, and at times it was a heavy burden, but we also found that, on the whole, love made the yoke easy and the burden seem light.

Having a pet and a series of pets in my lifetime started me off being a steward and gradually learning that loving responsibility, literally the ability to respond with love, meant the world does not revolve around me. I find my own meaning by giving myself away for something greater than myself.

Now some of you might suspect that I am avoiding the Gospel lesson for the sixteenth Sunday after Pentecost which would have been from the 20^th chapter of Matthew where there the landowner pays his laborers the same rate even though they worked different hours. Those who worked all day felt resentful that, while they had agreed to work for the usual daily wage, those who worked significantly fewer hours got the same wage. This might seem unfair and in violation of the Fair Wage and Standards Act which governs our economc systems. The word “economy” comes from two Greek words for household and rules; economics means House Rules. Jesus is making a point that the way that God rules the universe is not based on merit but Grace. Every one of those workers needed to make it through the day and the landowner paid out of love, out of his own pocket, out of his own profit margin, paying the living wage, the daily bread to all. God asks us to make our House Rules about sharing life and love, not out of profit but out of love. The landowner dies to himself in order to give love.

Jesus said that we learn how to live into God’s Kingdom on earth, the heaven of God, in this place and time, by dying to oneself. The way of dying is to give parts of ourselves away so that we no longer live only for ourselves and we share life and love.

Blessing of Pets

My dogs made me a much better person

when they reminded me that I’m not the

center of universe, a fat posh maharaja.

or honored Poohbah; just a layperson,

a servant called to love them and care

on schedule, daily, every day by gosh,

walk, feed, play and scratch, and wash

as needed, agreeing to share bed, chair,

couch or rugs to soak up the warm sun.

My reward is knowing I’m the steward,

not an owner of life, called as I heard

to love and to share as my father’s son.

Rex, Zeke, Molly, Frodo, Zoe, and Yoda,

taught me to hum notes of God’s coda.

Forgiving Before Asked

A Reflection for XV Pentecost (Proper 19) All Saints’ Church, Southern Shores, N.C. September 17, 2017 Thomas E. Wilson, Rector

Exodus 14:19-31    Psalm 114      Romans 14:1-12       Matthew 18:21-35

Forgiving Before Asked

One of the temptations on the Outer Banks is to spend time being annoyed with the summer visitors who flood our shores. When I get caught in a traffic jam, or have to shop in a massive crowd, or cannot get into a favorite restaurant, there is a temptation to judge them. I have to remind myself that they are here for the same reason I am here - because this place gives life and meaning as we are the edge of the earth in awe of the great ocean. I forgive them for what they are not; they are not the reason for my annoyance. My annoyance comes from my selfish desire to be in control of the universe, to be God. That attempt at forgiveness helps me to take life in perspective.

From the Psalm for today: “As far as the east is from the west, * so far has the LORD removed our sins from us.” God forgives, but what keeps us from forgiving? Maybe we think that the sinner doesn't deserve it, and lots of people use that excuse. In the Gospel lesson for today, Matthew remembers Peter trying to get a pass on forgiving by asking Jesus, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.” That seems to answer the question, but Matthew remembers Jesus telling a story about what happens when someone refuses to forgive. 

This story fits neatly with the passage for today from Paul in his letter to the Romans. Paul was emphatic: “Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.” Yet even after Peter gets the word and Paul underlines it, we church folk still have trouble. 

The French Philosopher Voltaire was returning to Paris in 1778 and the 83 year old man, thinking he was dying, wrote: “I die adoring God, loving my friends, not hating my enemies, and detesting superstition.” When he dies three months later, the church refuses to let him be buried in consecrated ground since he had refused to renounce his criticisms of the organized religion.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person's deserving. Forgiveness is a process we go through. It begins with the hurt we suffer. It has to be a real hurt, not a slight of pride. If there is no harm, we just have to suck it up because the chair of the job of center of the universe is already taken. The hurt has to be inflicted deliberately and intentionally and not an accident, because – grow up - accidents happen and forgiveness is not necessary. If you can understand it, then understand it and get over it and forgiveness is not necessary. If the harm can be excused, then excuse it. If you can get over it; then get over it, and forgiveness is not necessary. Your choice then is to either forgive or not. If you decide to forgive, you need to confront the person who hurt you, if possible and it is safe. If the person has died or it is not safe, then the following conversation can be done with an honest act of imagination of a conversation with an empty chair. Give a behaviorally specific description of the even(s) and tell him or her how you feel about the hurt and that you want to forgive them. This is part of the act of loving an enemy-- love does not mean approval. 

If, however, you refuse to forgive him or her because they don't deserve it and you want to pout for a while until they beg for forgiveness because you are sending messages of disapproval, then you are stuck. You see, forgiveness is only necessary as a last resort, but if you refuse to forgive before they ask, then you chose to enter the darkness of hate and live with it until you can't stand walking around with all that hate anymore. Some people like to stay there feeding the hate because this gives them an excuse to keep throwing a pity party and lying to themselves about the responsibility of their choice. But when you are ready to ask God for the healing of the hate which you have chosen, you turn it over. Sometimes you have to keep turning it over to God to go through the rest of the process. You might not be able to enter a new relationship of full reconciliation, but that is beyond human pay grade.

The Exodus story for today is the end of a story of a guy who just could not forgive, the Pharaoh of Egypt. We don't know who this Pharaoh is, but much of the popular culture want to make that Pharaoh Rameses II. Rameses II was the third ruler of the XIX dynasty and the greatest builder in the history of Egypt. The first couple of Pharaohs of the 19^th Dynasty spent most of their energy trying to rebuild the Kingdom after the divisive religious reforms of Akhenaten who tried to introduce a monotheism in the 18^th Dynasty. Rameses II continued that hard line to make Egypt great again, to fit the size of his ego, cracking down on any attempt for social or religious reform. He was taught by his father, Seti I, to brook no challenge to his rule and never to forgive out of the fear that everything they had worked to build might fall apart if they showed any weakness. He was ruthless and was called “the Great” because of his power in the utter destruction of his enemies and what he was able to accomplish. He was a massive builder, building temples to himself all over the place, especially Abu Simbel which took 20 years to build, but he did have this habit of ripping the names on previous Pharaohs’ monuments off and placing his own name on it as well. The Greek name for Rameses was Ozymandias, the name that Shelley used in his poem when he spoke of the arrogance of power that leads to destruction: “Look on my works ye mighty and despair!”

The historical Rameses II, the Great, died an old man, but his identification with the Exodus Pharaoh lives on. That Pharaoh spent all of his energy to control others, heaping burdens on the people to build more monuments to his pride and refusing to let no slight go unpunished. He could not forgive the Hebrew people because they would not bow down to him; he could not forgive them for who they were not - they were not compliant slaves to his own ego. He is so obsessed that he cannot see where he is going and cannot appreciate the angel of the God being present in the pillar of fire and cloud. His refusal to let things go, or to admit that there was a power greater than himself, will lead him to drive his army into the sea and be destroyed. The refusal to forgive leads to our own destruction as we sink into our hatred and drown in our contempt of others. The Hebrew people have told this story for thousands of years so that they would be reminded of the folly of hubris and to pray that the Lord might remove that temptation from us “as far as the east is from the west”.

Forgiveness is an act of love and an antidote to fear. The Christian is asked to die to his or her ego and give forgiveness freely, even before they are asked, before it is deserved, and before the hate brews in our hearts. Before the sun, which rises in the east and sets in the west, sets today is there anyone you need to forgive?

Forgiving Before Asked

I walk the blocks to meet people,

seeing neighbors or vacationers

in this town lacking high steeple

that might offend some seculars.

I’m not wearing my clerical collar,

as if I were off duty from blessing;

but smile benedictions, not holler,

a blessing, without their guessing.

My own blessings can’t make holy,

for I only see what’s already there,

so we all might dance a life wholly

hearing echo of Word making air,

forgiving them of what they’re not,

before they ask, I’ll pray a thanks,

for images of God being wrought,

as God’s love between us camps.

Love of Neighbor, Stewards of Community

A Reflection for XIV Pentecost (Proper 18)                          All Saints Church, Southern Shores, NC September 10, 2017                                                                Thomas E Wilson, Rector

Exodus 12:1-14           Psalm 149        Romans 13:8-14          Matthew 18:15-20

Love of Neighbor, Stewards of Community

 From Paul's letter to the Romans; “any other commandment, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”

Paul did not always believe that. Back when he was Saul of Tarsus he believed that fear was the fulfilling of the law. For him the world was a fearful place. The fear began from within. He looked at his body and his desires and was afraid that they might overwhelm him so he needed to control himself, for if he did not, he thought, then God would punish him. He saw God as the one in whom he lived in fear. The only way to receive God's approval was the control himself and control of others. All those other people were people to be feared and therefore needed control and if they could not or would not control themselves, he would. He persecuted Christians because he feared that they were a threat to the fabric of the social order.

Saul then had an experience with the risen Lord and was blinded by his fear. In his weakness he was placed in the hands of one of those whom he felt he needed to control, a Christian named Ananias of Damascus. Ananias was afraid of going to Saul, but when he knew that the love of the Risen Christ was with him, he replaced his fear with that love and the world changed for the both of them. Saul went on to become a new person, Paul as he died to his fear and the need to control people, places and things and was born again, but this time into love. Life does not become easier for him; there will many threats to him, but he faces them boldly with love instead of cowering and then reacting with fear. This is not a fairy tale where people live happily ever after in a world of lollipops and rainbows, but a world where people make a daily decision to love themselves and their neighbor and live fully in that love. Life is short and we do not have much time to waste in fear.

A couple days ago I was making some breakfast and I pulled the milk out of the refrigerator. As I was listening to the drumbeat of fear called the morning news -  news of all the political fear-mongering by people in or out of public office of threats and counter threats interspersed with scary updates of  warning of storms present and storms yet to come on the weather front, - I poured out the milk onto the cereal. Looking down, I saw the milk had gone past the pure liquid state and the “Best buy date” marking had long passed bye - buy. I was tempted to throw a pity party and serve up a big helping of fear inducing sentiments on my lack of power and control; sing a variation of  “Nobody knows the trouble I seed, Nobody knows my sorrow.”

I had a choice to focus on fear or love. If I would choose fear than everything I would face that day would be one more nail into my coffin of fear, and I would be tempted to try to something to show that I was not powerless despite all the evidence to the contrary. The best ways my experience has taught me to do that is to pick a fight to prove my power or to put someone else down so I could feel smarter and brighter. The problem is that fear meets fear; nobody wins.

The other choice was to focus on love. If there is a storm raging what can I lovingly do to help those in its path? If there are attempts at division, how can listen to someone who is fearful on the other side of the political divide and really listen to the fears with the hope that they might know they someone cares enough to listen and loves enough to care. We may disagree but we need not be enemies.

I looked at the first responders to the storm in Texas and I saw signs of love in action, as perfect love casts out fear. You see, love is not a feeling; it is a decision to commit oneself to another person to help make it through and to share joy. Love does not fix things so that it is like they never happened, but it does share strength to begin to redeem all things. Love is not a spontaneous act but a discipline where one works hard to rid oneself of ego so as to put the needs of the other in the proper perspective. Most first responders I know put in lots of long hours doing all sorts of non-fun, non-spontaneous things in order to get ready for when the time comes. Manuals and procedures need to be read, marked, learned and inwardly digested.  Especially, you have to know yourself for this discipline of love. The body, mind and relationships need to be in shape - your body because you never know what kind of situation you will face, your mind because there a lot of things you need to remember to keep safe, and your relationships because you need to trust the team that is with you and no one knows what kind of emotions may accompany you and come to the surface when you get home. Reality needs to be faced in that you will not be able to do it all and you must, for your own and others’ safety, lose delusions of being Superman. If these sound familiar it is because they are the similar kinds of things we go through when I do pre-marital counseling with couples. Love means you know and love yourself before you can ever hope to know and love another.

There are people in the first responders categories that, by their actions call the faithful ones into disrepute. They forget that love is the center of their calling, having lost touch with themselves and being so wrapped up with their own ego that they want to control people, places and things. These exceptions who do not prove the rule are the ammunition used by penny wise but pound foolish who want to cut budgets and benefits. I am lucky for I see first responders in action when I am called to a scene of tragedy. On a regular basis, I see fire personnel, law enforcement officers and emergency medical technicians, who deserve to be paid more when they care about helping their neighbor. 

I have been on the other side as well for instance there have been times when in my arrogance, I thought I was more important than I am and decide that I do not need to abide by mere speed limit signs. I have been stopped and asked “helped support” Tyrell County and to add points on to my license, but I was treated with respect as I was reminded of my responsibility as a citizen not to have an inflated view of myself. Yes, love does mean saying “Yes” to neighbors, but love also means the duty to say “No” to irresponsible behavior. I see my community as being able to say yes to people and no to actions that tear of the fabric of that community by word or deed.

When I see what people are doing in love, it invites me to join them in doing acts of love as part of my rent for the use of the hall in my life. I am a Priest and my calling is not to be more holy than anybody else, but to have the time to be able to point out when I see something holy and call people's attention to it. When I do weddings I tell the couple that I am not there to preside at a pageant about how pretty they are, but to help them celebrate the holy ground between them, for Jesus says that whenever love is there, God will be also in the space between them. The space between people sharing love is holy ground.

The first lesson for today was from the Book of Exodus when the Hebrew people remembered that God has been present for them in the middle of a horrible event when they were slaves in Egypt. Tomorrow we remember that there were four horrible events caused by hate sixteen years ago and in the middle of those horrors, first responders gave their time, energy and lives out of love. The space between people sharing hate turns into a desert but the space between people sharing love is holy ground. Today we chose to remember to give thanks for the love. Today we give thanks that first responders are still giving time, energy and lives out of love.

“All commandments, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”

Love of Neighbor, Stewards of Community

Past sell by date milk separates the moment

it hits the coffee; going to be that kind of day.

But we breathe remembering it’s a day to say

we live in this community, holding the comment

in our heart that it is just milk, not fire, crimes

or disaster. Which leads to give thanks anew

for those who’re there in times providing glue,

holding us together facing those difficult times.

The first responders; people at end of the line

who leave what they are doing and jump into

action armed with calm training for how to do

the restoring or resetting the daily life’s spine.

Seeing us not at our best but worst, in saying,

or doing thoughtless things. They know of our

sins but still helping when time comes to hour

of need when all we can do is to keep praying.

Indeed we’re blessed to have those who’ll give

as stewards so much energy to arduous training,

boring maintenance, long tasks of time draining,

then bravely stepping forward so that we’d live.

They’d say proudly that it’s only in a day’s job;

we thank their love for making our hearts throb.

Turning Aside to Look and See - Reflection and Poem for 3 September 2017

A Reflection for XIII Pentecost All Saints’ Episcopal, Southern Shores, NC September 3, 2017 Thomas E. Wilson, Rector

Exodus 3:1-15 Romans 12:9-21 Matthew 16:21-28

Turning Aside to Look and See

The question for meditation for today was to reflect on a time when you turned aside to look and see. In our lives we tend to rush through our own agendas and plans without noticing anything that doesn’t fit with the program. In the lessons for today, we have three situations where the people involved do turn aside, look, and see. 

 

I want to add another dimension to your thinking, and that is on the nature of being a jerk. I was reading an article by Eric Schwitzgebel, a professor of philosophy at University of California, Riverside, called A Theory of Jerks. His definition of a “jerk” is of one who thinks him/herself important as “a pleasantly self-gratifying excuse for disregarding the interests and desires of others.” He says: “I submit that the unifying core, the essence of jerkitude in the moral sense, is this: the jerk culpably fails to appreciate the perspectives of others around him, treating them as tools to be manipulated or idiots to be dealt with rather than as moral and epistemic peers”.

You remember last week we began the Moses saga. There was a Pharaoh who was heading up a nationalist and racist program to make Egypt great again by trying to control all those who did not fit into the profile of belonging in that country by either driving them out of the country by making their lives miserable or making those who stayed into slaves. In essence the Pharaoh was a jerk creating a nation dedicated to jerkitude where the needs and desires of those who get in the way are ignored or undermined. 

 

Moses was the child of a Hebrew family but had been raised in comfort as the tame Hebrew pet in the house of Pharaoh’s daughter. He was tolerated in that house even if the Egyptians did not consider him a full human being. Life seemed easy and he had nothing to complain about as long as he remembered his place. Otherwise all toleration for him would disappear and he would have to work as a slave. So what he does is live in the palace, keep his head down, and ignore what is happening. This is the development of a good jerk - one who doesn’t turn aside, look, and see -for they are the center of their own universe, it is all about them.

Except, one day Moses sees an cruel overseer abusing a Hebrew laborer, and he violates his agenda and turns aside, sees, and looks. He attempts to intervene. Sure of his own pampered place in life, he probably says something like, “I say, my good man, is all that violence really necessary?” The overseer sees an uppity Hebrew who thinks that he has the effrontery to address the master race and starts taking the whip to Moses for forgetting his place. Moses fights back in his fury, killing the overseer and hiding the body to avoid any legal trouble. He becomes a jerk in order to fight a jerk.

Moses goes home troubled knowing that, if the deed is found out, he will lose his place of belonging. The next day he sees two Hebrew slaves fighting among themselves, and as he tries to break up the fight, one of the slaves bitterly asks Moses who does he think he is kidding? He is just a pet of the Egyptians and not their leader. Is Moses going to kill him as he killed the Egyptian? Moses flees from Egypt in fear of Pharaoh’s justice and because he knows that he does not belong anywhere, not as a Hebrew, not as an Egyptian. He ends up in Midian and hides there, keeping his head down trying to forget the past and just focus on his own desires and needs. Years will pass before he makes the opportunity to turn aside, look, and see. 

 

Moses keeps to himself and starts to raise a family, but one day he sees a bush blazing with fire and the bush is not consumed. This physical impossibility gets his attention and he turns from his agenda and listens to God. God invites Moses, an alien in an alien land, a man who belongs nowhere, to return to the fire in Egypt that awaits him. He is like the bush that the fire will not consume, to lead the Hebrew people, his people, and to tell old Pharaoh to set his people free. Moses turns aside to look and see, hearing the pain of the people he wanted to ignore. From that moment on, he stops being a jerk for he has compassion for his people and his enemies. He sees that there will be troubles. He sees that it is an uphill battle and he sees that God is walking with him, providing the fire for lighting the way.

In the Romans passage, Paul, who had once been obsessed with persecuting Christians in the name of religion, is what we will call a religious jerk, someone who is so concerned with their own salvation that he is willing to kill people as “a pleasantly self-gratifying excuse for disregarding the interests and desires of others.” On his way to Damascus his attention is called by a bright light which lets him know his own blindness to others. He hears the Risen Christ call him into a new relationship with God, not based on self-righteousness but on love. Paul turns from his own agenda, looks and sees the energy that burns without consuming in the new relationship with God. Paul turns his life around because he sees a whole new way of living, which he outlines in his letter to the Romans. Paul turns aside to look and see. He will have a hard time in his new way of living but he sees the hope and he begins living that new life by word and deed. He will walk with the fire of love to light his way.

In the Gospel lesson from Matthew, Jesus, who had a ministry of preaching and healing in the Galilee area, has stopped from rushing around from town to town to pray, and he understands that the new path will lead him to Jerusalem where he will run the risk of death and heartbreak and betrayal. He turns aside and looks and sees. He sees the abuse. He sees the kiss that will betray him. He sees the cross. He responds in hope knowing only that God will be with him each day in this new life. He claims the energy that burns but does not consume to set his people free. He will walk with the fire of love to light his way.

I remember when I first met Pat thirty-three years ago in the summer of 1984. I had my head down as a newly-minted clergy type with my own agenda. I met her and decided that I needed to have nothing to do with her because my agenda was to be the best gol-darn Priest in the Episcopal Church. I dismissed her as not worthy of my time and she spotted me as a religious jerk, and I was. Our mutual dislike continued for the next four years. In my arrogance, I “culpably fail[ed] to appreciate the perspectives of others around [me], treating them as tools to be manipulated or idiots to be dealt with rather than as moral and epistemic peers”. I was successful as a preacher, liturgist, and church leader, but a failure in my marriage and in being a parson. It was only when I saw the wreckage around me that I was able to turn aside, look and see. I was lucky, and after, we treated each other as human beings and worked together as equals. There was, and is, an energy within her, greater than herself that burns and does not consume, and she was there for me to help pick up some pieces. Later she agreed to accept my proposal of marriage and to keep me honest 28 years ago today. On a regular basis we have to turn aside, look and see and hear God calling us from being jerks to each other and to walk with the fire of love to light our way..

Turn aside, look and see; what have you got to lose?

Turning Aside to Look and See

For first couple years, he’d seen enough

to not waste more time, but just dismiss,

for life’s too short to deal with all of this,

on his plate to chew is stuff really tough.

Yet here’s something beneath a surface,

an energy, deep beyond comprehending

drawing him to marvel at the fire tending

warming compassion for a new purpose.

An energy, not for rehashing an old past

but a hope for future bright with promise

once he’s able to see with an eye honest

enough to meet demands a future asked.

It is time to make a commitment to risk

have heart broken beginning with a kiss.