Stephany (Penny) Ingram

A Reflection on the Occasion of a Memorial Service for Stephany (Penny) Ingram

December 7, 2017                                          Thomas E Wilson, Officiant

Job 19:23-27    “O that my words were written down!  O that they were inscribed in a book!  O that with an iron pen and with lead they were engraved on a rock forever!  For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that at the last he will stand upon the earth and after my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh I shall see God  whom I shall see on my side and my eyes shall behold, and not as a stranger

Psalm 23         The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul:he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

John 14:1-6                Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Let me go back with you for a few years, give or take a couple million years, to about 14 Billion years ago when there was a huge explosion; commonly known as the Big Bang and all the matter in the universe came about as that energy expanded. In my theology every star, every planet, every one of us humans, every one of the animals, every rock, every tree, every plant, every cell, every molecule of being comes from that beginning of creation. Since I think that this was not an accident but a gift from someone who we, for convenience sake, call God. While all the different religions have differences in beliefs, rituals, traditions and dogma, the head stuff, This is the stuff of the business of religious institution who spent energy on what to think. I believe at the core of every religion, the heart stuff, the ultimate meaning, the how to live, there is an understanding that we are all connected to each other and to some sort of power greater than ourselves. At the center of all of that heart stuff is how we treat one another in love. The gift of creation was a gift of love and since we are created in the image of God, the purpose of life is to find a way to best answer the call to also give, and live, in love, as our task of faithfully continuing and caring for the creation

Penny Ingram understood that connection to something outside herself. She was connected to the soil as she lovingly tended it, giving her time and energy to bring forth a re-newed creation. She understood her connection to the animals who needed to be cared for and loved giving her time and energy to the SPCA. She understood her connection to others as she ministered to old people, some of who were younger than her. 

On my visits to the Ingram family I was introduced to another name for God, “The Big Ranger”, an understanding that the Big Ranger was their Commanding Officer and each of the members of his company were to shape their lives in the Big Ranger’s image. While she did not earn any perfect attendance pins in church she understood the core meaning of life which is about living in the discipline of a faithful life loving fellow comrades in life.

Like Job, I find myself in this life trying to figure out who this God is, so I start off each day asking for the vision and strength to see God in others and know that at the end of my life I will see God and through whose eyes I will be seen fully for who I am; I will be seen not as a stranger but as the child of God that I am. 

One of the things I was told by her family was that Stephanie, Penny, Ingram never met a stranger. I know when I first met her I was not treated as a stranger but as one who while I was making my first visit to her house she knew she connected to me and she wanted to explore how. She had her lipstick on, even when was lying in that hospital bed, because looking good was important, and she was interested in knowing more about me as she welcomed me into her home. When we treat people as strangers we concentrate on the differences, but when we realize there is always a deeper connection then we concentrate on how we are connected to each other.

She raised six children, all of them different, but what was important was they shared the connection of being loved equally, taking time and energy to know and share their pain and joys. Some of the 13 grandchildren make the boast of being the favorite, but the kind of love she had doies not know favorites.

When she was in the role of Army wife she spent a lot of her time and energy helping other service wives learn the ropes of helping create a home for the serviceman in their lives. She recognized that she had a lot in common with people trying to make it in this world.

Welcoming people into her home was important for her. Since I am an introvert and need to get go inside myself in order to find myself, I tended to see home as a place to get away from people. As part of my healing, I married an extrovert, the kind of person who, when she needs to find herself, gets together with several friends to talk about it and to sound things out. For her, a home was a place where you welcome people as guests. When I was talking with the family, they told many stories showing Penny was that kind of person who welcomed people to her home; from family to people who were just passing through town, there was always room for one more.

It is what Jesus was saying in his talk with the disciples on the road; God’s house has many rooms; more than enough for all. God will see the differences but like Penny, God does not play favorites; saint and sinner alike are loved by God. God will not see you as a stranger but will treat you as the shepherd in the 23^rd Psalm who sets a table for you in the presence of the enemy, to lay you down in the Green pastures of her home, to restore your souls with the cup of welcome that runneth over.

At the end of our short earthly life we return again to the expanding universe and our earthly remains are scattered with all the other molecules from before the beginning of time. Today we give thanks for Penny’s life that she gave during the time she had of welcoming and connecting with all the fellow creatures of God. She came as a gift from God and we give her back so she may return home and help prepare a place for us, because there is room for all.

There are two words that sound the same and she did both; one word is gamble, with an ‘le” which is to risk and the other is gambol, with an “ol” which means to frolic. I am asking you to remember her by doing both. I am not recommending that you play a bunch of slot machines if you can’t afford it but that you gamble by risking being welcoming, to give love even when you are not sure it’s going to be returned, to want what is the best for the other people and animals and creation you touch and that you gambol by having joy living fully in this life with no regrets, dancing as if no one is watching. 

If you want to do a memorial for her I suggest that you get your hands dirty in the soil to bring beauty, that you open the home of your heart to others, that you give love, time and energy to animals, that you care for her family who most feel her loss and that you care for people who only look like strangers but with whom she saw she was connected.