A Reflection
for IV Advent St. George Episcopal Church Engelhard, N.C. December
23, 2018 Thomas E Wilson, Supply Celebrant
My
Love Is My Gift For You
On this last Sunday of
Advent, we light the last of the four candles in the Advent Wreath.
We began with the first candle of Hope to lighten the darkness at the
end of the year. We moved from Hope to the second candle of Peace.
With Hope and Peace we were able to see the light from the candle of
Joy. When Hope, Peace and Joy lighten our path we are able to shine
forth Love; Love, the last candle. It is then, with Hope, Peace, Joy
and Love that we are able receive the Light of Christ in the Christ
Candle.
Lets clear up some
language; Love is not a feeling. Feelings come and go and are often
connected to digestion. Many feelings are investments of emotional
energy on a person, place, thing or idea, what Freud would call a
“Cathexis” upon an object. The word Cathexis comes from the Greek
work “I occupy”, where one transfers one's own energy, either
positive or negative, onto the object. Pat and I do dream work and we
see dreams as a collection of symbols. We consider dreams Soul Work,
where the Spirit, positive or negative, is speaking. When we work in
a group we ask group members to share their dreams and then we focus
in on the object with the greatest energy, like a door, a light, a
lock, a classroom, a food, a movie star, politician, a body part or
whatever. Think of a dream that you might have had and what energy
seems to be invested in a particular object which is itself a symbol
of something deeper.
This idea goes into
everyday life as well. For instance I might say I love my mother's
homemade meatloaf. The emotional energy is about my mother serving it
as the family gathered around the dinner table. It was a time of
quiet, polite space with each other, as we would share about our
days. My older brother and I would NOT kick each other under the
table or make fun of our younger brother. My mother was not an
adventurous cook but often in the middle of the week we would have
been involved in setting up the meat grinder after coming home from
school and turning the crank and seeing her mix up the ground meat,
cook it in the oven and we would smell it cooking, have that dinner
that night and we might have a meat loaf sandwich for lunch the next
day. My emotional energy went beyond the flavor and into what it was,
a symbol of being in a family where there is hope, peace, joy and
love.
Feelings of love and fear
start within ourselves from the constant barrage of our ego to meet
our selfish wants and to avoid our subconscious fears buried in
memory. The way out is to listen to a new reality based on love not
fear. Frederick Buechner wrote: “We are so used to hearing what we
want to hear and remaining deaf to what it would be well for us to
hear . . . that it is hard to break the habit.”
When I first met the woman
who would become my wife; I disliked her intensely when I first saw
her as she was hanging around with a bunch of unsmiling women,
wrapped with big scarves, and smoking little cigarettes. My
projections on her were that she was a small angry woman, surrounding
herself with other bitter women complaining about how all men were
scum. One conversation with her and I knew she considered me in that
category of scum. My energy was not about who she really was but
about the symbol that she represented to me and the treat to my ego.
It would be years before I could see her as apart from the object in
which I was investing negative energy.
It works the other way as
well; in my life before, I had invested positive energy in girls who
were symbols of hoped for adoration of me. Therefore, my
relationships were mainly all about me and what I wanted or feared.
But it was only after I was able to grow up and know that I was loved
before the beginning of the universe and see how I was in the habit
of using people as objects that I was able to learn how to love
others outside of my projections.
Projections are like
judging the present by the wrapping and never getting around to the
present itself. While we are at it, unwrapping or wrapping a present
around Christmas or birthday is not about getting or giving loot, but
an outward symbol about giving and receiving love. But if it is given
or received as an obligation, it is literally one more damn thing and
God knows we have enough things.
Love is not a feeling but
a free decision to act, to commit, to give oneself, then saying it
and then doing it. Love begins in creation as God, who is Love,
speaks the word of Love, and through that Love the universe is
created, which the Apostle John in the 1st chapter of his
Gospel sees as the Christ, the Word made flesh, Jesus. Jesus is the
living image of God, as we are, made from the dust of the universe's
explosion into being. Love is the decision that Mary makes to give
birth to God's love. Love is the decision that Joseph has to take
what could be shame upon himself and give himself to Mary and the
child. Love is the decision that Jesus takes to give himself to God's
healing of, and reconciling ministry with God's children. Love is the
decision that we make in giving ourselves to God and neighbor. Love
is the decision, without the illusions of self benefit, to
unselfishly give ourselves.
Love comes when one has
hope, when one has peace within oneself and peace with one's world,
when one has a deeper joy not dependent on circumstances; then love
can a gift to oneself and to others. Love is the decision to give it.
Love is a gift.
I wrote a poem for this
week and I thought I would just read it instead of doing a prose
reflection, but I decided to unpack what I was saying behind the
poem. I made copies of the poem for you to take home with you. Let me
read it and let me ask you to join me and say out loud the refrain at
the end of every quatrain stanza, so you can hear yourself say out
loud “My love is my gift for you.” When you say that refrain,
think of to whom you need to say it and make a decision to say it and
to do it. This next week, as you read the poem at home, see who else
comes to mind, could even be a chance for you to hear God saying it
to you. Love is a decision to give yourself.
My Love Is
My Gift For You
Slowly,
God turning dream to song
singing
Word, creates Galactic stew,
image-ing
us from stardust of earth,
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
Fearfully,
Mary turns to see the angel
kneeling,
hailing “Girl dressed in blue,
we
know not why, but you are favored.
to
hear “'My love is my gift for you.' ”
Joseph
wakes in God's ongoing dream,
informing
of task; a child to raise true
of
heart, mind and soul as precious son
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
The
Innkeeper's wife sees the couple
with
no place to stay and time is due,
she
offers finest stable straw, and then
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
The
shepherds sense the angels invite
them
come to Bethlehem and to view
a
child to be their hope, peace and joy
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
Mary
holds all these things in her heart
seeing
visions of both pure joy and rue,
raising
their child to live and to die and
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
From
the East the Magi come placing
gold,
frankincense and myrrh in queue,
leaving
quietly as wisdom allows them
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
We
walk away from wrapping presents,
our
fingers sticky with glitter and glue
hoping
we'd have grace either to say or
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
The
outward packages are never enough
to
proclaim what's in our souls we knew;
reason
we are together is we were lucky
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
We
are older, the children have grown and
under
the tree shows presents as very few,
yet
turning to each other, we pray or kiss
to
hear, “My love is my gift for you.”
This
new year is a time for us to promise
that
each day we'll choose to begin anew
forgiving
the hurts, treasuring the joy and
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
At
the service, an offering plate comes
as
way giving to God and neighbor too;
but
best gift is living in way for God
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
The
day'll come when my table place
will
be empty as I bid the world adieu
and
on the other shore, again a chance
to
hear “My love is my gift for you.”
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