A Poem and Reflection
for a Service of
Thanksgiving for the Life of
Patricia deGroot Froehlich
September 25, 2019
Let me begin with a message which Christine, Pat’s daughter, posted:
My
mom passed away yesterday morning. She had a heart attack and went quickly like
she always wanted from the good Lord. My heart is heavy and sad, and my body
numb, but I find comfort in her peace.
Mom
taught us simple yet profound lessons by the way she lived and loved. . .” let
it roll off your back like a duck”, “don’t be fussy”, “do whatever makes you
happy”, and “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”
Growing
up, “Miss F” was like a second mom to my friends whom she always welcomed and
always fed, whether, or not, they were hungry. An amazing mom, wife and friend
she became “Nana”, perhaps her best role of all. Always ready to have fun and
make us laugh, she showed us all how to be silly and love big. Thank you, Mom,
for everything. We will find our way, but it won’t be the same.
What Christine was doing was not writing a biography but a beginning of a Gospel. After the disciples were scattered after the Pentecost experience, they formed communities all over the known world from India to Britain, Germany to Ethiopia; communities based on their experience based on their understanding of Jesus and how he worked through his life and theirs. When these first followers of the Risen Christ died, the communities would go through their grief by telling the stories of the Good News they knew. That is what the word “Gospel” means, Good News. It is not an attempt to do a factual story to sum up and put to rest, but a collection of remembrances on how lives were changed and to keep alive the spirit that shone forth in their memories.
In the early centuries of the Christian enterprise there were bunches of Gospels full of memories and stories- some with much more skill and imagination than others, each with their own version of the truth they experienced.
In a quest for order the church started whittling down the Gospels down to four which they included in their Holy Scripture. But Good News did not stop but rather it is happening all the time in the lives who pass on the spirit of the Risen Lord in their life and work. The Gospel of Christ was alive and well in Pat's life and after her death for the last five days this community on the Outer Banks and friends and relatives from other places have contributed their stories, some with more skill and imagination but with great hearts filled with sorrow and joyful thanksgiving. After the service, during the informal time of the reception, you are invited to share your stories with each other to tell the Good News of God’s gift of Pat. There will be good food as well because as Christine mentioned her “friends were always welcomed and fed, whether they were hungry or not.”
We read the story from the Gospel of John for the service. Scholars suggest that this Gospel came from a Community of the Beloved Disciple who tradition calls John. The stories are a bit different from the communities of Matthew, Mark and Luke. And it reflects the concerns and joys of that community, but there is a lot they share. The editors of the community remembered this story.
Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled”. It is his way of saying “Don't be afraid” Jesus has seen the handwriting on the wall, and he knows it is going to end badly for him as he faces down the Religious, Economic and Political elites in Jerusalem. He knows he has two chances of getting out alive; slim and none. But he will not let himself let fear rule their lives of his. He says:
“Believe in God, believe also in me”. The word that Jesus uses for “Believe” in the Greek does not mean an intellectual assent to a proposition. Like do you believe there is a town named Omaha, Nebraska even if you have never seen it? The word means more like trust. Jesus is saying “Trust God, put your faith in God whom you cannot see and in me whom you can, trust me.” The community will remember that statement as the core of their faith and it helps them to encounter the resurrection as God’s answer to fear.
“In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going." I think he is saying; “You know this religion we follow in Jerusalem is much too small where God is limited to some special buildings. God is bigger than this." He is saying that God is also not to be limited to somewhere up there above the sky but is dwelling with us in daily life. God has not gone off on vacation but is right here and right now in the middle of all our fear. He continues, let me teach you a way of living and dying, a way that allows you to breathe deeply of God's Spirit so you can grow in the way. The early church did not call itself a church but “The Way.”
Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" This is a joke, a pun, the editor of John uses puns all the time to show that people just don't understand. It is not that they are stupid, but sometimes people just don’t get the joke. Thomas, he of very limited imagination, by the way my name is Thomas and I keep struggling to keep a sense of awe instead of thinking I know everything. I am well named and keep trying to live beyond the confines of that name. The pun is in the word “way”. Thomas thinks it is a path to a destination, a map to get from Point A to Point B. He thinks it a Google Map on how to get to Heaven in a life after death. Jesus is talking about a way of eternal life that begins before we die and continues after we die. It is a way of life instead of a way to life, Two little two letter words, of and to; where the only difference is one letter- a difference that makes all the difference in how we live this present moment. It reminds me of an old joke where a man gets off the plane in New York City and he catches a cab. He says to the driver, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall? The cab driver answers, “Practice, practice, practice.”
Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." I think he means My way of life, of love, compassion, and trust in a power greater than myself needs to be your way of life, for all eternity and it begins today..
Jesus says, “I will show you the way to the Father.” I think he means that he will lead us though life and through death, through hurt and through joy, through moments of emptiness where you want to cry out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”, to moments of blessed assurance.
What does Pat’s Gospel tell us? I never met the woman, but I have known and met people who have. The first one who told me of Pat was Phil Glick. He admired her and he called me after Bill called him. He was already out of town and wanted to make sure there was a Priest who could care. Phil had visited my wife Pat and I when she was in the hospital in January when we were afraid, she was going to die. Phil and I met when we were still in seminary and I trusted his opinion of the family and I owed him big time.
The image I got from listening about Pat Froehlich is that she lived her life as if it were a dance between being a gracious guest of God in this universe and a loving host creating a house, Nana’s, Miss F’s House, where there was room for many dwelling places.
As a guest there were stories of how she went out of her way to be kind and how she tried to tell people how much they meant to her and how she appreciated any gift of love. She made gifts of love for people to ease their burdens. Yet creating these gifts were also a way to burn off all this energy she had to make the world a kinder place. The early church used to have meals to feed each other as a way of showing love. Unfortunately, as the church got official it all too often turned into ritual where they gave out something, they told you was bread and a sip of wine. Apparently when you came to Pat’s house, she was not going to welcome you so meekly. Pat and Bill knew what it was like to be treated as a stranger rather than as a brother and sister from another mother you just had not got around to welcoming yet. As Christine said, “you were fed whether you were hungry or not.”
I heard this one story about how Bill loved argyle socks and Pat wanted to knit him a pair in thanksgiving for being loved. It was a gift from her to him, whether he needed it or not. She worked hard and it was difficult getting the right mixture of colors and patterns. She finally brought forth one sock and set to work on its mate. She finished it, but it did not match. She went ahead to put together another and that one also did not match. They took pity on her and he was presented three socks that did not match. It was a treasure because it was a gift of love and a good story for her Gospel of how she learned not to give only to meet a need but as an outward and visible sign of love.
The stories continued how she did not fear death, but she was anxious about not being incapacitated by illness and not being able to be a host to share her love. Her family saw that the merciful God heard her prayer.
My brothers and sisters we are not only to be consumers of Gospels but to live them. What Gospel are you writing today in in the way you dance as gracious guest and loving host, in the lives of your family, your neighbors, your communities, your enemies, your world, your universe and in the loving heart of God.
Patricia deGroot Froehlich: The Dance
Her life was like a traveling dance studio,
one place to another. Where she'd a chance
she would stop, pay attention to deep dance
of being both host and guest, fast or slow.
She was guest when she listened to a tune
of spheres filling her with awe and wonder,
learning the difficult steps of being mother,
wife, lover, while swaying to Divine croon.
She was host when elbow deep in dough,
she'd say, “Oh you must be fed and loved”,
pulling more oven treats out, a mitt gloved,
one way she had of saying, “I love you so!”
Her travel is finished; but the music goes on,
to dance the steps, she taught to a new dawn.
Thomas E Wilson, Supply Clergy
St. Andrew's Church, Nags Head, NC
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