Poem/Reflection for I Lent St. Andrew's Church, Nags Head, N.C. March 1, 2020 Thomas E. Wilson, Supply Clergy
Moments of Wilderness
In today Gospel lesson, Jesus goes into the wilderness to wrestle with his calling. There he meets the empty place in the world and in himself. The empty place is not defined as a place where no vegetation grows but it is a place where God's truth meets and enters a space that is filled with the lies that promise easy solutions, with pre-fab answers to feed an ego with a lust for putting our own desires first, adulation and power.
This internal struggle for discernment is played out in a series of visions with the shadow side that all humans have close to hand. The Greek word that is used by Matthew is διάβολος (diabolos) out of which we get the English word “devil. The Greek word means a backbiter, a slanderer, a false accuser. In the Hebrew Testament, Satan is introduced in the Book of Job as one who is like God’s Attorney General, searching out corruption and failings in human beings. By the time of the writing of the New Testament, Satan has evolved to diabolos, a power opposed to God.
Jesus is offered three temptations:
1) His worth is determined by his use of his
energy primarily to gather or transform resources to meet his own desires,
2) His
worth is determined by his ability to impress others,
3) His
worth is determined by how much power he is able to establish. His ministry for
God’s will in his life and the life of the world will no longer belong to him
but is given over to the control of the dark forces in his soul.
Decades ago, I got my first job as a Rector of a church, and I could be in charge. How I loved being in charge. It is an ego thing where I was constantly looking for successes and failures, comparing myself to my predecessors of the last century and a half of that parish's existence. Each success would feed me with pride; “I was able to get this (or that) done! God should be grateful that I am here.” Failures were always someone else's fault. I would console myself with statements like, “Heck, Jesus himself wouldn't have been able to change those people, they who would have been at the front of the line to crucify him!” I was always looking for approval from parishioners or colleagues who would tell me what a wonderful job I was doing. I tended to avoid conversations that might point out my failings. I was a success; but I was getting empty in my faith, because more and more, I was the center of my faith.
After a successful building campaign, it all seemed so shallow. I then made a vow to never, never, ever again be involved in another building campaign. That was a vow I broke when I came to the Outer Banks 16 years ago. The consultant, who we had for raising the money for that first building project, who was himself a Baptist Minister, saw what I was going through and he suggested that I go to a retreat and conference in Texas, with a bunch of his fellow Baptists who were dealing with a need to rediscover why they went into this, sometimes “God forsaken”, business. So, I did a variation of what Jesus did when he went into the wilderness; I left town to reexamine my calling. Pat and I went to Texas and we never argued about theology with any of the other people there. We came to listen, share and grow in our faith. Theology is based on things that you hold in your mind; Faith is based on in whom you have trust.
The core of this retreat was an exploration of four lies in life. They are lies but when we go into stress, we tend to believe them. They are lies because they are told by the Father of Lies, who doesn't have horns and a tail but is as close to us so that the lies can be told in moments of an empty soul. They are lies and they are almost true, and the world tends to believe them as if they were scripture, scripture from an alternative gospel that has nothing to do with Jesus.
My
worth is determined by my possessions.
My
worth is determined by the opinions of others.
My
worth is determined by my performance.
I
must be in control.
Possessions feed our egos and there is a thrill when we are able to buy the things we lust after. But all that stuff is just stuff and our ultimate worth is determined not by what we have in our piles of stuff but in the love of Christ for us. Jesus ended is life by having his clothes stripped from him. He had no home, no place to call his own, but he was the child of God, as you and I are. He made that choice.
It is lovely to have praise and be held in high esteem, but the center of our faith had crowds turned against him, make fun of him and when given a choice, chose a thief and robber as their choice for life. He was declared an outlaw by the forces of law and order. His hope was not based on public opinion but on what it meant to be blessed, as he preached in the beatitudes.
It is good to build, to grow, to do the best you can; but we follow the one who at his death left no buildings named after him, no multibillion-dollar enterprise, no massive faithful congregation. He only had a handful of people who had trouble being counted on to remain faithful or to even pay the rent.
It is good to try to have some control over ourselves and over what we are entrusted of and to be stewards. Sometimes if we are centered on control, it leaves no room for God's grace. It is God's vision that is the core of our lives, not our own viewpoints and prejudices. We believe that God will redeem and forgive anything, even our attempts at being in control.
Is there a voice that speaks to you in the wilderness? What is he/she whispering to you? In whom do you have your trust?
Moments of Wilderness
The voice comes to him, quiet and seductive:
“You know, you would be happier if you just
had someone who could fill your need for lust,
tell you that you are the best, and, instructive!
You know, I can tell that you need more stuff,
having more things to fill the rooms you have,
so you won't see what is empty, but it'll calve
more again, because you can't ever have enough!
Oh, and lets get some more diplomas and degrees,
you'll always be reminded of how smart you are,
and your fame will spread, be touted near and far,
experts come, say, 'O share your wisdom please!'”
Wilderness come and go, tempters inside his head,
whispering, inviting “Turn those rocks into bread.”
will always visit to ask him to get inside his head.
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