Sins Rerained? Reflection/Poem for Pentecost 2020

Poem/Reflection for Pentecost 2020                  St. Andrews-by-the-Sea Church, Nags Head, N.C. May 31, 2020                                          Thomas E. Wilson Supply Clergy

Acts 2:1-21 1 Corinthians 12:3b-13 John 20:19-23

Sins Retained?

Earlier this month as it started to get warmer, I took out all the plants that had wintered inside the house and put them out on the deck. For the late fall, winter, and early spring, when it was too cold, I have had to water all the plants on a regular basis. Some of those plants I have had for years and have not yet killed them with my care. One of the ones I have had the longest and brought into this marriage is a “Crown of Thorns” which flowers in the wintertime inside. It is described as “a bushy slow-growing succulent native to Madagascar, is an easy-care flowering houseplant that thrives on neglect, blooms throughout the year, grows indoors or outdoors, and is very easy to propagate.”
The day after I took them out, God's rain just poured on them and you could almost see them breathe deeply and happy to be where they should be. The Crown of Thorns, prickly as it was, attracted some careful hummingbirds to feed on the flowers. All the plants were tired of the imposed quarantine as well. In a way they were like the disciples closed up after the crucifixion in the Gospel lesson, or the disciples closed up in the Upper Room waiting for the coming of the Holy Spirit in the lesson from Acts, longing to get out and do what they wanted to do. Maybe some of you know what that is like?
From the Gospel of John: “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” The Holy Spirit gives the disciples the power to forgive and get out into the sunshine of new life. In the Book of Acts, the disciples are given the gift of the Holy Spirit to move out of their quarantine and share the gift with others outside to break down the barriers that separate people.
On Pentecost Sunday we usually focus in on the Disciples receiving the Holy Spirit and their ability to speak in all sorts of languages as part of that gift. Later, Paul, in his correspondence with the Church in Corinth, suggested that the Holy Spirit gives differing gifts to differing people, The Holy Spirit is a gift given to all by God. God loves us so much that God does not force any of us us to accept the gift. The disciples in the Upper Room had prepared themselves to accept the gift and they did; using it to break out of their narrow limitations and change the space between them and their neighbors.
Before I went to seminary, I was on a retreat with a group of other people trying to go deeper in faith. During a deep moment of prayer, I was troubled by a series of words and sounds I did not know. I went beyond troubled into fearful. I was in the same room with other people and I was afraid that I would say these sounds or words out loud. In my mind there were three possibilities: 1) this was the gift of tongues, or 2) I was going into a Schizophrenic break in reality, or 3) I was being set up to be a fool by an unconscious defense mechanism to derail any more movement into going to seminar, in order to keep in business as usual.

Unconscious Defense Mechanism: I knew I was conflicted about changing my life but there were easier, more enjoyable and more efficient ways to sabotage a calling without loss of face. I had been successful in avoiding the calling for years.

Break in Reality: I did a brief Mental status exam on myself: I knew who the President was, where I was, could subtract by 7s, and figured out while I was tired, under stress and more than a little neurotic, I was not psychotic that particular day.

Gift from God: That left it being a gift of God, which I did not want and saw no reason to use, because Speaking in Tongues is not a hot seller on the clergy discernment sweepstakes in the Episcopal Church.

Yet the compulsion was there and after a few minutes, I let the words, sounds, escape in a barely audible whisper. I was relieved. I don't know if the gift was meant to be used at that particular moment, like it was in the Acts of the Apostles Pentecost story, or if was to be a lasting gift. Whichever it was, a gift had been offered to me and I had refused God's gracious gift. Over the last more than 40 years it was often I felt like the character Bessie Bighead in Dylan Thomas' play Under Milkwood where the narrator says: Bessie Bighead “…picks a posy of daisies in Sunday Meadow to put on the grave of Gomer Owen who kissed her once by the pig-sty when she wasn’t looking and never kissed her again although she was looking all the time.”

God's Holy Spirit is gracious. She gives gifts all the time. The gifts are meant for our spiritual growth and ignored to our detriment. Jesus talks about that when he shows up in the locked room after the crucifixion and resurrection. “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

To forgive someone is a spiritual journey. When someone does something that is hurtful to us; we ask three questions: Was it intentional? Was it serious? Can you overlook or excuse it? If it was an accident; that is the way the world is; accidents happen and accidents don't need forgiveness, only maturity. If the hurt is minor, suck it up; life is too important to waste on holding on to slights. If you can overlook it or excuse it, do so! We don't need to add burdens on our neighbors.

Forgiveness is for when you were really hurt in mind body or spirit AND it was intentional- they meant to do it AND you have trouble letting it go. Then you go through the spiritual process of being in touch with your anger, then hating what was done, then confront the offender, then make the decision that you don't want to keep living with all that anger and hurt and are willing, out of love for the offender, to pray for the Holy Spirit's help to find a way to pay the cost yourself. When you forgive, you are able to set them, and yourself, free from your anger, blame and hate.

If, however, you refuse to ask to receive the gift of strength offered by the Holy Spirit, then the sins are retained, and your anger, hurt and hate continue. Forgiveness is not about changing the other person but about changing your soul to let go for God's will to be done. The Holy Spirit only offers gifts that you are free to accept or reject.

The author of John's Gospel remembers Jesus saying, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, ‘Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water.’” If we refuse to forgive, it is like carrying around a cauldron of stagnant, poisoned and boiling water in one's heart and soul; threatening to pour it out on and scald anyone who crosses your path. To forgive is a gift from the spirit to bring life-giving water to the garden in which we share.

When I started thinking about what to say this week, I looked at the Crown of Thorns and wondered why did it hold on to the thorns? Why do any of us hold on to our thorns, or keep God's spirit away?

Sins Retained?

The Crown of Thorns stopped its blooming,

says it is just dog tired of being held inside,

asking to be picked up and taken for a ride,

to the deck where it can stretch out looming,

almost five feet tall in its pot as if protecting,

of this house and all the delicate ones here in.

Eons ago had its ancestors been hurt by a sin,

that was going to happen again if unsuspecting?

Had it once been trusting but couldn't forgive,

some details of which were hard to remember,

but the hurt's there, not daring to let be tender,

but suspecting that its anger didn't need to live?

Looking, I wondered, “Is that like me again,

holding on to past sins in order to them retain?

Doing Doxology?

Poem/Reflection for VII Easter                                         St. Andrew's by the Sea, Nags Head, N.C. May 24, 2020                                                                       Thomas E Wilson, Supply Clergy

Acts 1:6-14 1 Peter 4:12-14; 5:6-11 John 17:1-11 Psalm 68:1-10, 33-36

Doing Doxology?

The Gospel lesson for today has part of what is known as the High Priestly Prayer of Jesus on the Mount of Olives. He is praying for the disciples whom he loves. Jesus knows he will soon be arrested, tried, condemned and killed by the religious leaders whose troops are on their way. Jesus is giving glory to God and is asking that his life be given as a Glory to God. He is not saying “Oh, poor me!” but is asking that his life be a gift. I want to take a look at one word in the Gospel story for today from John's Gospel over and over again “glory”, or in the Koine Greek, δόξα, (doxa), a word that is repeated six times in these 11 verses.

The reading from the Book of the Acts of the Apostles remembers when the disciples see Jesus for the last time after the resurrection and the angel tells them not to keep looking up to heaven, for the Spirit of the Risen Lord will come again. The disciples gather a community for prayer and support, to give each other strength and hope. They stop the mindless squabbling about who is the greatest, send their egos out to lunch and thank God for the opportunity to be together to change the world. The Spirit of the Risen Lord is in the space between the members of this community, when they give thanks to God as they search for the next step in their shared mission. Next week, we will come to the Pentecost story when this small community is driven out of their upper room in order to create community with the larger world to speak of God's glory; to do doxology in the wider world.

You may have heard the word “Doxology” before; it comes from the Greek δοξολογία; doxa – glory and logia - saying. We say the traditional doxology, written by Bishop Thomas Ken in the late 1600's, often: 

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; 

praise him, all creatures here below; 

praise him above, ye heavenly host:

praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

St. Andrew's tends to sing the doxology often – when we have picked up the offerings of the people and offer them to God as a praise and thanks to God. These gifts are outward and visible signs of the inward and spiritual gifts that we have been given. We do not sing the song to pat ourselves on the back about how we are making the church's budget, but as a moment that we say to God something like, “All things come from Thee O Lord and of Thine own have we given Thee! For all the blessings that are happening in our lives, we acknowledge that they are gifts of grace from the unexplainable, unfathomable mysterious Glory that is God!” The task is to do, not just say, doxology.

There is an old joke; you may have heard it before: An Episcopal Priest was traveling dressed up in his Clerical Collar on an airplane, and the airline attendant comes to him and whispers, “Father, the Pilot has told me that there is a problem with the airplane and could you do something religious?” So the Priest went to the front of the Passenger Cabin and started to pass around a collection plate. Usually the church does a collection every Sunday. Except during this time of Virtual Church, we never quite get around to passing a virtual plate.

Every morning when I wake up and take a walk in the predawn darkness, I struggle to accept a virtual plate, to find a way that I can offer my life, time and energy to the Glory of God. I start off by giving thanks for the moon, stars and planets that I see in the firmament of the heavens Then there is the tinge of color in the east where the sun will rise to give me a new day. I acknowledge the glory of the calls of the animals as they prepare for their dawn of a new day in their lives. In my silent prayers, without religious language and words, I ask – how can my life be free from my ego, the desire for self-gratification and glory for myself, so I might and shine a light in thanksgiving on what God is doing? How can I do, and not just say, doxology?

Some of you know that when I was much younger, I had dreams of being a famous actor. It was the 1960's and I had a lot of talent, but found I disliked myself. In the 60's, the world was falling apart with wars, discrimination and poverty and I seemed so shallow to myself, that all I wanted was glory for myself. I was not mature enough to see that a play was a way of speaking truth to people who needed to deal with their lives. If I got applause, I would pat myself on the back and never stop to give thanks to the playwright who gave me the opportunity to get into this character. Going into the demons of the character was a way of dealing with the demons who were really part of my own life; but I did not realize that then. I could not give thanks for all of the supporting actors and crew who made me look good. It was all about my own glory. I was the center of my own universe. I could share the physical stage with other people, but it was all about me. The only way out of that was to consciously participate in a community of faith to support one another in praising God for the strength to change and be good stewards of the world given to us by God. The only way out was to do, not just say, doxology.

However, my ego, like an unwanted house guest, keeps making visits and staying for a while. It was not the job that was the problem; when I went into being a Social Worker, I was even then striving to be a standout. I wish I could say that being ordained changed that; but as the saying goes, “The problem only comes back on the days of the week ending in the letter 'y'.” As the Epistle lesson for today from 1^st Peter warns: “Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith.” As part of my discipline and keeping alert, I have to be like the disciples. So, when I see the devouring jaws of my ego, I have to start each day, give glory to God, take the virtual collection plate to place my soul in God's care and gather with a community of faith. I have to do, not just say, doxology.

Five Sundays from now, your new Priest will be leading you in the services. I do not know if he will plan to have the Doxology in the service. That is his decision, but singing it is much less important than doing doxology with him in this community of faith.

So how are you doing Doxology today?

Doing Doxology?

That Lion is on the prowl tonight,

sniffing the air for an ego spree,

when I conclude it’s all about me,

longing for a shot of glory bright.

But one shot is not ever enough,

after the one praise, have to score,

then I keep coming back for more.

I tell my sane self; it is only fluff.

Need to thank LORD for failures,

that to me come often to remind,

that we can have a faithful mind,

when we walk in steps of savior's.

Who gave himself as true offering

giving strength for ego conquering.

Making An Apology

Poem/Reflection for VI Easter                       St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, Nags Head, N.C.

May 17, 2020                                                 Thomas E. Wilson, Supply Clergy

Acts 17:22-31 1 Peter 3:13-22 John 14:15-21 Psalm 66:7-18

Making An Apology

In the first lesson for today from the Book of the Acts of the Apostles, Paul is engaged in a debate in Athens at the Areopagus. The Areopagus is a Hill in Athens named for the God of War, Ares. The Romans would call it Mars Hill. It was filled with altars to the different Gods. In fact, Paul will note that there is even one altar which has no idol, just to be on the safe side. The Greeks took their religion seriously and the debate were taken so seriously that they were almost a blood sport.. It was here, Plato and Xenophon said that Socrates delivered his last address, an Apology. The Greek word, “ἀπολογία”, (apologia) did not mean saying one was sorry, but it was a stating of one's position, literally “words for something”. Debates could turn into trials, and Socrates was tried here and sentenced to death because of the way he debated. He was accused of being impious toward the gods and in his dialogues with the Youth of Athens of undermining their religion their respect for the heritage of the elders.

When I was an Undergraduate at UNC- Chapel Hill, I was a member of the Dialectic and Philanthropic Societies. Established in 1795, DiPhi is the oldest student organization at UNC. They are a literary and debate society dedicated to upholding ideals of rational thought, the free interchange of ideas, and the study of the history of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. My mother, when she was an undergraduate in 1939-41 was a member, and its President for a year, and she urged me to join. She had been raised a good Presbyterian girl, but going to college and travel in prewar Europe had broadened her mind. She loved intellectual debate and gave as good as she got. I tended to be ruled by emotion and feelings in debates and she thought that DiPhi would be a good training ground to give reasoned thought a chance rather than settle for emotional tirades.
She had met my father at Carolina but he was not in DiPhi, for with the mind of an engineer, he had no interest in, or time for, debates. Raised a good Roman Catholic he respected authority. There certain things like truths, like 1+1=2 that were not debatable, and duties which one accepted, most of the rest were prejudices or habits of culture that civilized people could outgrow or put up with. He thought that organizations like DiPhi were training grounds for facile cleverness of future politicians and pre-law students; neither of which were high on his approval charts.

I remember one time in my Freshman year, when I was home for Christmas vacation in December of 1964. and my older brother, Paul, was on leave from his first six months in the Marines. I was about to turn 18 and was to sign up for my draft card. Across the dinner table, Paul and I debated the increasing Vietnam war. I was suggesting that it would be wrong for me to kill another human being and Paul talked about the need to go in and (in his words) “clean up the place and waste some gooks.” My father, who had been a Major in the Marine Corps, seeing combat in the South Pacific in World War II, stopped the debate, Pointing at me he said: “If you don't want to kill someone aim high. But you owe your country your life.” Pointing at Paul, he said, “But not your mind.” Almost 2 years later when my father was in a coma at a hospital and neither Paul or I could deal with the advent of my father's death, out of our fears we continued that debate- wasting a heck of a lot of time when my mother needed us. This debate had been about frightened egos and not a search for the truth.

I see frightened egos at work all the time when people project all sorts of things on others. When A person who seemingly can't help but lie, starts to accuse others of telling falsehoods and hoaxes. When governing bodies spend so much time on debates of mutual blaming instead of working on problems. When organizations, even churches, forget why they have formed and only major in the minors clinging to the dead past.

The Apostle Paul came to Athens and wandered up to the Areopagus to join the debates. The Apostle had a choice. He did not need to feed his ego but he wanted to help people by listening and then sharing his vision of the truth as he started his Apologia. Born and raised as a good Pharisee, Paul had a choice to continue in the vein that he had followed for most of his life and attacked. I am sure he felt tempted to thunder out, throwing the fear of God into his opponents and quote scripture from the 20^th chapter of Exodus, the first two commandments:

And God spake all these words, saying, I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

However, he had born anew on the Road to Damascus and no longer had any reason to try to win God's approval, for he had come to know that he was surrounded by God love by grace alone. He begins by helping to find common ground in the altar to the Unknown God. He paid attention and gave credit to the poets and philosophers who had shaped the Athenian mind. He tells them that he has met this Unknown God, the Risen Christ who had changed his life on a road to Damascus. Yes he believed in the 2^nd Commandment no allowing a graven image of God, but it was not the rules that were important: “For ‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we too are his offspring.’ Since we are God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the deity is like gold, or silver, or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of mortals. There are three gifts that Paul has; he knows God, he knows himself and he knows with whom he is having a dance of faith.

When I was in the process of doing dream study, one of the guest instructors was Kathleen Wiley, a woman of deep faith, an author and a Jungian Analyst, practicing in Davidson, N.C. She writes an occasional meditation on line which I devour as soon as it comes. In March her offering was based on John 18: 28-38, Facing our Killer Fears. She presents Pilate as a person who wants Jesus to answer questions which he will not listen to and he is furious with the religious leaders who are afraid of Jesus, but Pilate feels trapped by his own fear that things may get out of hand. Fear is what happens when our consciousness is raised. Kathleen then starts calling Pilate- “Pilot”P-I-L-O-T, for fear is Piloting him. She writes:

The story is symbolic of an inner movement that often happens automatically in our psyches. We feel the presence of an unknown part of our soul coming into consciousness and we get scared. We want to maintain control (an illusion) by holding onto our perceptions of who we think we are. We resist acknowledging feelings and impulses that contradiction our notion of who we are.

We may feel afraid to embody, to act on, and to integrate the new energies that emerge from our larger Self or God Within. The larger Self is the totality of our psyche/soul.  Our little self or ego is always less than the wholeness of our soul/psyche. We forget this. We get attached to our ego ideal. We resist incarnating the largess of our soul as it means the ego changes.

To incarnate means to embody. To embody means to integrate into our personality and physical being. This means experiencing and using the energies in service of life. We embody as we relate, respond, and give the new consciousness it’s rightful place. We choose to invite the new to inform our inner and outer actions. Our soul becomes the ruling authority.

When we follow the soul’s lead, our thoughts, feelings, and movements reflect the realities of our truer nature. We no longer bow down to the internalized legalisms of shoulds, musts, and ought tos. , Our soul’s energies become the ruling principles, guiding impulses, and originator of our actions. We live in soul’s knowing and truth. We break our allegiance to the internalized authority that reflects the voice of the outside collective norms.

The Epistle lesson for today from 1^st Peter says that we will always need to share our faith. “Always be ready to make your defense (Greek: ἀπολογίαν) to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence.” We are in a frightening new time in our existence with the Pandemic and we respond to it, not by debating, but by telling the truth and sharing our Spiritual Journey about being open to God, neighbor and our true self.

Making An Apology

Wanted you to tell me where I'm going

because I was unsure  I knew the way,

give me the places where I can stay,

and not have to wander to and fro-ing.

I wanted the party lines I can parrot,

one creed after another under my belt,

so won't need to play the cards I'm dealt,

wrapping faith as something to inherit.

The journey is a hard path still to take,

from one disappointment to a big win,

given me both, now able to grow within,

deeper in the dance with God to make.

Let me be still now, so I will listen

as grace shines on my soul to glisten.

The Goal Is To Arrive

Poem/Reflection for V Easter                                    St. Andrews by the Sea Church, Nags Head, N.C. May 10, 2020                                                                   Thomas E Wilson, Supply Clergy

Acts 7:55-60               1 Peter 2:2-10 John 14:1-14   Psalm 31:1-5, 15-16

The Goal is to Arrive

Let me start off with two prayers written by Cara Ellen Modisett, the seminarian who had planned to be with us earlier this year before we were shut down by the Covid 19 Virus. She is working on a project to take a word from the Sunday lessons and create a prayer centered on that word. She shared this blessing with me:

Stronghold Psalm 31:1-5, 15-16

God of refuge, you are our stronghold in the midst of fear, our comfort in days of grief. Help us to find strength in you always, and hope in the resurrection of your son, who overcame death and lives again, in whom we are born again to joy and healing and communion with you. Help us carry that strength and joy and healing to others, so that we may reconcile your children to one another and to you. In the name of your risen son Jesus Christ, amen.

Ask John 14:1-14

Creator God, your glory is beyond our comprehension and our vision. We forget that you are present not only in the vast beauty of your universe, but also in the quiet of our hearts. You know our hopes and our griefs before we ask, you know us before we know ourselves. Be with us in glory and in quiet, and let us never forget that you are no further away than our breath. In Christ’s name we pray, amen.

In the cul-de-sac of my neighborhood, I am blessed with neighbors who live here year-round. Yet, there is one family, in which the parents both teach up in New Jersey during the school year and come here during the summer and holidays with their two children. The two young people are in two different universities here in North Carolina and we have watched them grow up. I first met the family when the kids were very young. I used to be able to pick up those kids, throw them up in the air and catch them. Those days are long past. My wife and I have been guests at her Bat-Mitzvah and his Bar-Mitzvah up in New Jersey and I never thought of trying to convert them. They already know how to love. Their parents did a good job.



20^th Century Jesuit Theologian Karl Rahner proposed a term, “Anonymous Christians.” He suggested, in essence, that while Jesus was the Christ in bodily form on this earth, but the Spirit of the Risen Christ, whom John said, “was in the beginning with God and not one thing was created without him,” is more than the human Jesus. This Spirit of the Risen Christ is manifested in the Grace to lead a life of loving God and neighbor outside of professing any particular Creed or church attendance. I remember one time when the church in which I was the Rector was hosting dinner for the summer lifeguards at the Duck Fire Station and our neighbors' girl joined us and I asked her to say grace. She did it in Hebrew and in English, and we, our guests and the food were blessed.



The mother of these two young people wrote me about how the whole family is doing: The son and daughter have had to leave a lot of their stuff behind in their dorm rooms, the daughter's car is still in the parking lot of the airport in Charlotte, the daughter's summer job at the Lost Colony has been cancelled, she has worked there for years and last year she understudied Queen Elizabeth I in the play and got to go on a couple times, all four of the family are working virtually, and everything is crowded in the faculty housing in New Jersey; yet the mother feels, and is, blessed.  As a NRPO, Non-Resident Property Owner, they just were able to get permission to cross the bridge to get back to the Outer Banks, but they blessed us with their love.



She sent me a posting two weeks ago by Comedian Paul Ollinger, in Forge, Your Only Goal Is To Survive; To Survive in Quarantine, You Need To Change Your Metrics. He was writing about a trip he took with his wife and sick baby on a transcontinental flight. It was a horrible trip and he learned the he had to adjust his metrics about the trip; to move away from expectations of perfection to an awareness of what is important. This is the highlight of the article:

Last week, as I read an article encouraging people to use the coronavirus quarantine to achieve something “extraordinary” with their lives, Jen’s advice came screaming back to mind. Today’s flight, dear friends, is very much delayed: not by hours, but months. Travel conditions are—to put it mildly—suboptimal. Each of us should have in mind only one goal: to arrive on the other side in one piece.

As I looked at the lessons for today. Here is Stephen. being stoned to death in the lesson from Acts. Yet he looks up and beyond the rocks thrown in anger and fear, he asks that the Lord to receive his Spirit and forgive all those who are hurting and hating him. Here is Jesus, talking with his disciples before his arrest and crucifixion and before they all fled away in terror. Jesus moves us from survival of faith to arrival fully in God's love at the end of our journeys.



When I was a child, every summer we would take at least two trips, one to my grandparents and another to a cabin on a lake. They were all long trips. We had big cars for those trips. Originally, we had a big black Packard with red leather seats, which was replaced with a big Cadillac complete with fins. They were big; but with four children, one dog and two parents they seemed small as the kids would get easily bored and distracted. My mother, who at been raised as an only child, would cry out about how she had always longed for a brother or sister and how lucky we were. She loved us, in spite of how unloveable we were at times. She taught us how to love, not only with her words, but in her life. She ended her journey on earth surrounded in love.



I have talked with several mothers over the past weeks of their staying at home, and how they have had to handle all the stuff over the months of shut down. It can be hard but, for the most part, they are able to remember that this is a journey with many difficulties, but surrounded in love and blessings when they are able to change the metrics from perfection to thanksgiving to get them through to the next arrival.



The Goal Is To Arrive

Today, it sure had its limitations;

feeling annoyed about control lack,

and wondering who's got my back,

in all these unasked for situations.

Think of some mothers that I know,

who weren't able to always thrive,

yet each day, they'd work to strive,

say prayers of thanks for the show!

In comedy, or in tragedy, our parts

are improvised in all our daily acts,

when we are able to arrive at facts;

quiet is the main work of our hearts!

Perfection, reserved for God above,

is found when we aim to share love.

Good Shepherd Sunday Reflection/ Poem, May 3, 2020

Reflection/Poem for IV Easter                                 St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, Nags Head, N.C.  May 3, 2020                                                                Thomas E. Wilson, Supply Clergy

Acts 2:42-47               John 10:1-10               Psalm 23

The Good Shepherd

The Psalm for today is the Psalm that is the best known of all the Psalms, the 23^rd , often known as “The Good Shepherd.” “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.” But the reality is that we do want-- all the time. The meanings of words change over the years; in 1611 “to be in want” meant you were poor and deprived, and “I shall not want” meant I have everything I need. However, 4 centuries later “want” means a desire, like I want a bowl of ice cream. We are rich people, and we have the ability to meet most of our desires. What deeper needs are we missing? In what ways are we poor?



When I was in 2^nd grade in Montpelier, Ohio, I attended a Vacation Bible School at the Presbyterian Church. We played games, had lessons and made things out of cloth and the boys put together a small wooden étagère, which we called “that little wooden corner shelf.” We were also taught the 23^rd Psalm in the King James version. As a reward for memorizing it I was given a glow-in-the-dark plastic Jesus, as the Good Shepherd to place on my “that little wooden corner shelf.” I kept them on my desk in my bedroom in Ohio, and moved it faithfully after we moved to New York the next year. Every night until I graduated from High School, they were the last things I would see after the lights went out. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, watching over me.



The purpose of this plastic glow-in-the-dark Jesus sitting on that little wooden corner shelf, according to the lay leaders of the Presbyterian Vacation Bible School, was to remind me that I was never alone. Jesus was walking with me to remind me how his love for me was to be a model of my love for others.



However, when I would louse up and do something bad, I would feel guilty; and at the time for my nighttime prayers, before I tried to go to sleep, I had the little plastic glow-in-the-dark Jesus reminding me of all the wrong choices I had made. When I went off to college in North Carolina, I made sure not to pack them with me. I was all grown up now and did not need to feel guilty, or at least I did not want to feel guilty. My vision of Jesus was turning, away from being a Good Shepherd, to being a kill-joy. I did not “want” Jesus to be my shepherd. I did not “want” because I was full of myself.



In the lesson for today from John's Gospel, Jesus claims the image of the Shepherd, but as the lesson goes, the editor writes:

Jesus used this figure of speech with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them. So again Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and bandits; but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

Like the disciples, I did not understand what Jesus was meaning using the image of the Good Shepherd. During my time of college I grew fond of the sayings of H.L Mencken who said: “Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere is having a good time.” and, “The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.” I enjoyed being clever, putting down the smugness of the churches; but on the other hand, I missed the vision that could shine in the darkness of my selfishness. I was lucky for I found people who pointed to Jesus as their strength in doing good.



The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of those people not ashamed to call on Jesus as a way of living. In his address to Riverside Church, April 4, 1967, he declared:

This is a calling that takes me beyond national allegiances, but even if it were not present I would yet have to live with the meaning of my commitment to the ministry of Jesus Christ. To me the relationship of this ministry to the making of peace is so obvious that I sometimes marvel at those who ask me why I'm speaking against the war. Could it be that they do not know that the good news was meant for all… Have they forgotten that my ministry is in obedience to the One who loved his enemies so fully that he died for them?

I started to realize that the “Abundant Life” that Jesus was talking about was not about saving oneself for a life after we are dead, but about committing oneself for living a life in which the good news was meant for all people and abundant life meant to live as if I was not the narrow center of a narrow universe.  I needed to treat people not as objects to meet my wants, mere things to be used, but as the second person singular intimate form of “Thou” who is loved by God abundantly.



I still mess up a lot, but each time I reap the consequences of my missteps, I receive Grace for strength to return to the Good Shepherd. Not all things can be “fixed” but they can be redeemed even when bad things happen.



Richard Rohr wrote in his April 14^th Meditation on Why Suffering?

Jesus says, “There’s only one sign I’m going to give you: the sign of the prophet Jonah” (see Luke 11:29, Matthew 12:39, 16:4). Sooner or later, life is going to lead us (as it did Jesus) into the belly of the beast, into a situation that we can’t fix, can’t control, and can’t explain or understand. That’s where transformation most easily happens. That’s when we’re uniquely in the hands of God. Right now, it seems the whole world is in the belly of the beast together. But we are also safely held in the loving hands of God, even if we do not yet fully realize it.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.



The Good Shepherd

Enough! I've had enough of this!

I'm a grown up person not needing

someone to spend energy feeding

dependence as ways to find bliss.

Without considering others’ needs,

we each need to take care of # one,

first and foremost; have some fun,

by saving us from boredom seeds.

However, if I am able to be set free,

then I have to face things I'd regret,

doing by word, deed, or having let

happen; what I'd not want light, see.

Of all of my appetites, I want it now;

grace to treat others as loved by Thou.