Reflections on being sick Part 2

I just went through a bout of being sick again--  some of you remember that I went through some stuff before Christmas. Last week I went through some GI bleeding and ended up in the hospital because I lost so much blood. They threw me in bed and pumped blood in e and told me to settle down. I was not in pain only just weak for the week. I had to miss the services on Sunday and was muttering about how my sermon on which I worked so hard would not be read-- (threw it on the blog anyway after I got home). I fell more behind on my visits with people and committee work- had to postpone the vestry retreat-- my church said not to worry they could handle things but I had to come face to face with my sense of worth.

One of my lies that I carry around inside my soul is that my worth is determined by my performance- I am only as good as what I do- I am a human doing rather than a human being. Basically I was throwing myself a huge pity party.

The truth to combat the lie is that my worth is not based on my performance but on God's love for me. I have no problem  with looking at another person and seeing how they do not do something  but I don't question their worth- but my lie is that I am different than mere mortals. Last time I checked we call that arrogance where I tell God I don't need God's grace because I am my own savior. That gets me in real trouble with my soul. Healing comes in the awareness that I have limits and the world does not revolve around me. "Quel surprise!"

I am home now and will do some work from home but I am feeling better and stronger but I need to remember to continue to need the truth to combat the lies that lay so close to the surface of my soul.

As I did with last month's illness- after a couple of days I found again the prayer from the Book of Common Prayer on page 461: In the Morning

This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring

forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I

am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still,

help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it

patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly.

Make these words more than words, and give me the Spirit

of Jesus. Amen.