Question: What would you be like if you could get
whatever you want without considering others?
A Reflection for VI Epiphany All Saints’ Episcopal Church, Southern
Shores, NC February 12, 2017 Thomas
E. Wilson, Rector
I
Want What I Want
In Matthew’s Gospel for today, Jesus continues his
exposition of the Sermon on the Mount, the way to follow God in everyday life,
by looking at the subjects of three of the Commandments - murder, adultery and
bearing false witness. He redefines these commandments by going to their very
roots. He illustrates what James Baldwin will say 20 centuries later: "If
I love you I must make you conscious of things you do not see”. He had seen how the legalists, staying on the
literal surface, would proclaim that they had not broken any of the
commandments with statements like, “Hey at least I didn’t kill anyone!” Jesus urges
them to go deeper to the meaning behind the earlier commandments. These
Commandments did not come from the setting up of a legal code of felonies and misdemeanors,
but were outward and visible signs of what hardness of heart would lead to, the
breaking the Covenant of Love with God and neighbor.
The Hebrew Testament tells of how the community of
Moses came up with the idea of creating hundreds of specific rules and
prohibitions as a way of building a fence around the Torah, the Ten
Commandments. This fence of rules on diet and daily living would keep people
aware of the danger of coming too close to breaking the Commandments. The
problem was that they spent all of their energy trying to do the right things
instead of dealing with the underlying causes that lead to the breaking of the
Commandments. If we spend all the time with the rules, we do not allow
ourselves to change and, rules or no rules, no change means no change.
Years ago when I was working with addicts and
alcoholics, when people relapsed, we would talk about “When did the relapse
start?” Did it begin when he got drunk on a bender? Or, did it begin when he
ordered the first drink? Or, did it begin when he walked into the bar? Or, did
it begin when he took the bus into that part of town? Or, did it begin with the
fight he had with his boss? Or, did it begin when he had the disagreement with
his girlfriend the night before? Or, did it begin when he stopped going to
meetings? Or, did it begin when he stopped finding time to meet with his
sponsor? Or, did it begin when he stopped working the daily program of rigorous
honesty with himself? Or, did it begin with a resentment that he had the
disease and was envious of those who didn’t, and the fear that he would have to
deal with this all of his life, the self-centerness of false nostalgia missing
the old times and the wanting to grab hold of life without responsibilities? If
we wanted to be legalistic, we could have a rule for every step of the way. Or is it better to say, “I have a problem and
the problem is me.”
The breaking of the Commandments begins not with
outside behavior but with what goes on inside a person. Most of the breaking
comes from things like resentment, fear, envy, self-centeredness, and
callousness toward others. Again to quote from James Baldwin: "The only
way to be really despicable is to be contemptuous of other people's pain."
Jesus was not interested in being a policeman of morals, but in the
transformation of the hearts of the people. God’s peace is not brought into
being by the enforcement of rules but about changed lives. Salvation is not a
reward for outward good behavior, but salvation is the process of being set
free from an old way of looking at the world that God has created. The old way is
to look at all of the world and see oneself as the center of the universe, to
use it for one’s own ego gratification, where it is the Supreme Judge of worth
and where love is never given away but earned as part of a bargain.
Freedom begins each new day when we remind ourselves
that we were placed on this earth to love by doing justice, loving mercy, and
walking humbly with our God. To walk humbly is to recognize that each day is a
gift given by a gracious God. When I wake up every morning and walk my dog, I
breathe in the clear salt air which I cannot produce - each breath that fills
my lungs is a gift. I see the stars in pre-dawn sky, way beyond my grasp, so I
am not tempted to own them and use them for my own purposes, for they are doorways
to contemplation of the infinite nature of God’s creation. Each breath is a
prayer of thanksgiving.
I think of the people God has placed in my heart and
as I visualize them, I want what is best for them, asking God to surround them
with loving care and how I might be part of that loving care. When I visualize
them, I can give thanks for them, and while I might admire them, I think of
them as I do with the stars - as gifts that I do not need to try to grasp and
use for my own purposes. For those whom I see as less than a joyful gift, I ask
God for strength to see them as fellow children of the one God and ask for wisdom
to find a way to co-exist with them for the limited them that we share the same
planet without losing my own integrity and without trying to control them for
my own purposes.
When we return from the walk, the dog rushes in to a
home where there is love, which he returns so easily; it is a gift. I leave to
do my exercises for I have been given a gift of my body and it needs
maintenance. I don’t enjoy the exercise, but it is like brushing my teeth -
part of the rent I pay for its upkeep while I am on earth. I meet people who
occupy the same space, and I am aware that we are all sharing this time and
space and that God is there in the space between us as we care for our gifts of
bodies. At work or at play God is here
giving me the strength to continue. I wash off my body as part of an awareness
that I am beginning a new day, a new gift over which I have limited control,
and I begin a prayer that asks God for serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know
the difference, just for today. I always
find several times throughout the day to use that prayer. When the day ends, I
stop and give thanks for the opportunities I had to love and also ask for
forgiveness for the times I fell short - those times when I did not catch the
undertones of resentment, fear, envy, callousness and self-centeredness in
myself. I take comfort that there is a new day coming after I put this one
behind me, and I am set free from the past and open for the present, to
continue the work to change into I was created to be.
I Want What I Want
Stars
shine before the envious east sun nudges.
Light
waves shimmer beauty into the darkness
always,
tantalizing beyond my highest grasp.
What
would I do if I grabbed it like falling star;
putting
it in my pocket, saving it for rainy day
with
a contempt for those who want to share?
Would
I lie to myself saying deserve to hoard
since
the world seemed to treat me ill this day?
What
do I care if balances of universes sway;
What
do I care if others hurt or even perish?
What
do I care as long as I get what I want?
If
I could grab it, then I wouldn’t need a God,
for
I would be one with having power over
limits
of life, death, other people, time, space,
so
that no one would take my name in vain,
I
would be worshipped and only ration love
to
those very few I think really deserve it.
But
let’s see what else is in my grasping?
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