Walking humbly

It happened again. I did not win the Lottery. I did not get a call from Hollywood begging me to star in the definitive screen tale of Hemingway. The ArchBishop of Canterbury search committee did not contact me about taking the job.

So I woke up as who I am and having to face the world and myself. I took Yoda for a walk and the clouds covered the sky so I did not have an opportunity to see another meteor as I had earlier in the week-- no portents from Heaven!

I started singing the old Janis Joplin song. I had been meditating on the Gospel passage for this week about James and John asking for glory. It resonates in my shadow side of wanting glory for myself and wanting God to reward me because I am so deserving- or cute or whatever reason'.

Oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends.
So oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
Oh lord won't you buy me a color TV.
Dialing for Dollars is trying to find me.
I wait for delivery each day until 3.
So oh lord won't you buy me a color TV.
Oh lord won't you buy me a night on the town.
I'm counting on you lord, please don't let me down.
Prove that you love me and buy the next round.
Oh lord won't you buy me a night on the town.

Maybe not quite so -- but close

All I have today is the knowledge that each day matters and it is not all about me. Pat and I leave today to go to New Jersey- someone will be staying at the house to take care of Yoda - but we are going to attend a young friend's Bat Mitzvah. I will not be taking a part in the service except to give thanks to God that this young woman is claiming her place in her community as a daughter of the commandment continuing her given task of being a living Torah for the world and herself.

One of the lessons from Morning Prayer for today is from Ecclus. 1: 26 " If you desire wisdom, keep the commandments, and the Lord will lavish her upon you. 27 For the awe of the Lord is wisdom and discipline, fidelity and humility are God's delight."

Today my prayer is to accept my vainglory as part of my shadow and be able to turn it over to God to use it for wisdom when I stop wanting awe for myself and start having awe for God - the same God that loves me also loves this young Jewish girl and loves an atheist just as much.

Sa I was finishing writing this I started sing another song as my prayer:
Humbly I adore thee, Verity unseen,
who thy glory hiddest 'neath these shadows mean;
low, to thee surrendered, my whole heart is bowed,
tranced as it beholds thee, shrined within the cloud.