Tom Secules: A Reflection

A Reflection on the Occasion of a Memorial Service

for the Life and Witness of

Thomas William Secules

All Saints’ Church, Southern Shores, NC

April 29, 2017

Thomas E. Wilson, Friend

In John’s Gospel Jesus says: “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

It has always been an irritation that, in John’s Gospel, it is Thomas, the rather dull, dim-witted disciple, who just does not understand. I used to wonder if my name was my destiny as the one who just never could get around to understanding Jesus. But Tom Secules had the same name, and he was never dull or dim-witted and he understood Jesus as his friend whom he shared with anyone he met.

When I was much younger, in the 1950’s, I was given a gift of a crystal radio set which I put together and, after the lights went out, I would use an earphone and listen in bed to the Sunday evening preachers. They explained this passage from John to me in a very literal way. I was told that I must accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior in order to get into the heaven above the sky after I die and, if I did not, I would burn in the everlasting fires of hell. To “Believe” was to accept the doctrines in the inerrant Bible, and if I did not, God would banish me to the outer darkness reserved for Papists, pagans, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and unbaptized African savages.

Over the next 60 years, I let my crystal set get mislaid, and I tuned into transistor radios and stereo systems to listen to Folk, Jazz, and Rock and Roll.  Only much later did I wander back to this passage from John. My understanding was that the place that Jesus was referring to was not a place of geography but of being in the full heart of the Christ, the creative energy of God who promised through Jesus that when two or three are gathered, Christ would be there in the space between us. It did not matter where I was or how good I was, God’s spirit, as Jung said, “summoned or not God is present”.

I came to understand that the “Way” was not a path to somewhere else like a heaven after we were dead but a way of living as if God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven.. The “Way” meant learning to care for neighbor as Jesus did so that the Creative Spirit of God, the Christ, would give us the power to walk humbly so to love, even our enemies, wanting what is best for them even when they don’t have our best interests at heart. The “Way” meant to forgo passing judgment on others, as Jesus did, even when you are right.  The “Way” meant taking up the towel and being a servant, as Jesus did. Some days are easier than others, but the journey and the destination are the same and, with the Spirit of the Risen Lord, we would never be alone. But there are days when I need a coach, a fellow traveler, a model, someone who would keep me honest, and over the years God has gracefully given to me and fellow pilgrims that kind of coach - and one of the best was Tom Secules.

For Tom, the “Way” also meant to keep his promises, to honor his commitments, and to cherish his beloved family, friends, community, and church. When I came here, Tom’s wife Beth was on the search committee and Tom was on the Vestry welcoming us as he wanted to see the best in me and to make sure I would do my best for the church.  He served several times on the vestry and those times he showed true leadership. He was forceful but not disagreeable in handling differences, because what he was working for was what would be best for the church. For him “Semper Fi” was not just a slogan he learned long ago in the Marine Corps- it was a way of life. He would pass on the formula to me that he was not an ex-Marine or a former Marine. He was always a Marine but in a different uniform and in a different phase of life.” For he was faithful to his God, his country, his wife, his family, his community, his friends,  his church and his neighbor. He had been a coach and knew that the team was more important than any player, but each player had to be guided to use their talents to the fullest on a daily basis. As Satchel Page used to say, “You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But you got to dress for all of them.”

To dress up for the important game of being a follower of Jesus is not about uniforms, insignias, or special equipment, but to prepare ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually each day. For most of my years here I, “Tom”, would meet each week with my brother “Tom S” (Secules) and the person we called OBT, the “Other Brother Tom”. We began when Tom was chosen as Lay Rector of a Cursillo team and he asked me to be one of the Spiritual Directors. OBT, The Other Tom, was recruited to be on the music team and Coach Tom, the Lay Rector, wanted us to meet weekly to prepare ourselves spiritually. After the Cursillo weekend we continued to meet. Sometimes we would meet in my office, sometimes we would meet at our homes over some good scotch, and sometimes over dinner with our wives. Years later we would meet with other people as well. We would spend an hour answering three questions: 1) What was your moment closest to Christ this week? 2) What has been your study this week to nourish your relationship with Christ? 3) What has been your action this week to be an outward and visible sign of God’s Kingdom in the world?

Since the worship services seemed to be the center of the church’s life it seemed only natural that the “moment closest to Christ” would have something to do with worship, and many times it did. Tom loved filling in for acolytes, lighting the candles and carrying the processional cross when we would have services in the middle of the week as for Memorial services and the acolytes were in school. He would fill in as his way of honoring the life and ministry of the church member who had died. Death did not stop Tom being a good friend. He loved serving as a Lay Reader because he had a love for God’s word. He was humbled when he served as a Eucharistic Minister being able to symbolically bring God’s healing strength by bringing the cup for those who need strength to partake of the blood of Christ to make it through the day when they attended the church service and to bring it to homes and hospitals for those who were unable to make it here.  It was that sense of being on a team and helping out. When he carried the cross in procession he reminded me of a Marine on parade; disciplined and proud to serve for something greater than himself; “Semper Fi!” He enjoyed being a greeter and welcoming strangers to the church he loved and to welcome parishioners who had been away to know that they had been missed.

The “moment closest to Christ” could also when he would listen to a friend go through a difficulty as he shared the burden with a friend after a round of golf over a beer. God was not locked up in a church building but was whenever two or three gathered together in love; Tom knew the Christ was there and he hallowed those moments. You could always count on Tom for a listening ear. Tom’s quiet nonjudgmental listening ear was really helpful for me and OBT, his other brother Tom, as many times we would share prayers for what was in our hearts. Over the years each of our wives had horrible encounters with ill health and we would worry about our children for no matter how old your children are you worry about them. I remember one week when he had been so busy helping care for Beth, he apologized that he had done no action outside the home and I and OBT reminded him that Christ was being honored when he was faithfully continuing his Holy Vow;  “for better, for worse, in sickness of in health.” Marriage is a ministry and to the God who calls us into this ministry we ask to be given the grace, strength and will to serve faithfully.” God is known when people take their vows seriously and faithfully. We counseled together about people we knew who needed some help. Many of our discussions were not about church stuff but centered on love we had for our families and friends; as the Hymn goes “God is love and where true love is; God himself is there.” In our meetings and in our lives touched by those meetings we won a few, we lost a few. Some got rained out. But each week the coach would make sure we dressed for all of them. We gave God thanks for wins, we assured each other about the forgiveness for our losses, we encouraged each other to put up with the rain, and we pledged to be there with each other.

I was only one of so many who were gently coached by Tom Secules and gathered strength from him and the God Tom served. If I were to choose the Iconic image for Tom Secules  it would be for his leadership in the Room In The Inn Program here at All Saints. I remember how hard he worked to bring it about and make sure that all of our homeless guests staying here for the Room at the Inn would be welcomed and treated with respect. The people who were down on their lick needed to be treated as brothers and sister. He insisted that the volunteers didn’t just put food in the kitchen but all would sit down together and get to know each other as fellow people on the way not clients on cold comfort charity. I remember how he dealt with a parishioner who was starting her long slide into full dementia. She was terrified that homeless people were going to be so close to her house. Tom was patient and kind and during that first week she and her husband were one of the people who brought dinner one evening and enjoyed these new neighbors. She could be a trail but she was a fellow child of God. Tom saw no reason for pity when empathetic love was what was needed. There was no room for pleasantry or bromides when honest strength and wisdom could be shared. Gratuitous advice was never served up when non-judgmental listening was on the menu. Everybody could play on Coach Secules’ team.

Today we give thanks to God for letting us know Tom Secules, even if it was for much too short a time.

Tom Secules: written on Palm Sunday 2017

Coach, coach; back me up in the game!

Let me try to hit it out of the park,

set up the touchdown,

assist in making the basket,

boot it into the net.

With you behind me I can do anything,

as it has been since placing on this team, 

when you did that small big smiling laugh,

placing your huge hand on my shoulder

wishing me the best, reminding me

of his confidence of the scouting reports.

I did not always succeed, but even then,

the huge hand came back on the shoulder,

saying; “God was with you as you did your best.

Outcomes are beyond our control,

but never doubt that I love you.”.

I never did.

I knew he always did his best,

Thank you coach.

Your huge hand is still on our shoulders.

as your love echoes.